Wednesday, June 30, 2010

They Saw What You Did

You're all wrong and the kids are right.

Friday, June 25, 2010

Fine Wine (New Poll)

The music scene, much like time itself, keeps makin' the changes alongside everything -and by that, I mean everyone- else that keeps gettin' older, fatter, crankier, and less relevant. Even so, not all music fails to entertain well beyond its presumed expiry date and many songs produced between the years 1980 and 1989 are no different; spandex, Ray-Ban sunglasses, and chalices filled to the brim with M&M's* notwithstanding, the music itself was, well, if neither forgettable nor regrettable, mostly hypercolortasticable.

With that in mind, Sparkles and I then devoted hours upon hours to bickering over which songs hold up to this very day, some twenty to thirty years later; the result being, partially, the poll seen to your left. We snarled, we hissed, we compromised, and there's more to come. Nevertheless, it's up to you, Der Kommissared Reader, to determine which song sucks the least has aged like fine wine.

For the lazy folk, I've included a playlist.

For a hipster's interpretation of the poll, visit Running With Chopsticks and experience music as it should be - for the cool kids! Just don't forget your beret, clove cigarettes, Starbucks Double Mocha Mango Latte (made with nothing but the finest organic ingredients), and smug elitism.**

* Just make sure there's none of those little red bastards in the cup!
** I kid, I kid. Relax. (She hates mangoes.)

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Things that Happen on the Peninsula (Exhibit B)

If I were on a sad, sad peninsula (sad being the inevitable result of having no adequate Tex-Mex cuisine readily available) then I'd be particularly inclined, on today of all days, to lament the absence of Taco Tuesday.

Because really, who couldn't go for a taco every now and then?

P.S. My apologies to those who were hoping for a heartfelt, six-page lamentation of Korean culture or the incessant ramblings of a bumptious ninny that takes him- or herself way too seriously.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Around Twenty

Ys I & II marked the first time I:
- encountered a (J)RPG with animated cut scenes
- experienced a role-playing game accompanied by Red Book audio
- actually heard dialogue in a role-playing game
- fought battles by slamming into enemies
- considered a game worthy of justifying a ridiculously-priced peripheral
- caught a glimpse of what the future of video games would entail
- fell in love with a particular subgenre
- felt incredibly bitter about a compact disc being scratched beyond repair
- contemplated naming my firstborn child Adol or Dark Fact
- shit while standing upright*

(image from

* Rest assured, Deoxygenated Reader, that it wasn't the last.

The preceding theme, while most certainly dated, has nevertheless burned itself into the folds of your second favorite blogger's brain on account of the fact that several hours were required to master Darm's Tower (one of the game's largest dungeons) and this goddamn music looped incessantly throughout the entire ordeal. 

Saturday, June 12, 2010


Your score is Korea 2, Greece 0. They're airing the Win commercials (featuring people), which are better than the Lose commercials (featuring makeup).

A good night. Lots of passion. Celeb(r)ate responsibly, people.

And make lots of babies.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Things that Happen on the Peninsula (Exhibit A)

"Metaphorically speaking, of course."

Things to Do in the Desert (Fourth Entry)

When talking about what a person would do differently in the desert, it's important to remember what he (or she) would refrain from doing differently, as the true measure of a lad or lass is not all about ephemera, correct? Right, and in that vein, I proudly proclaim that I would continue to endorse Survivor (the band, not the Destiny's Child song).

You heard me, mom def readers, and no matter how often you beat me chastise this des(s)ert nomad, I shall not recant.

I'd listen to Survivor in the burning heat of a desert, on a man-made beach, inside an overpriced Land Rover, and within my mangled head. Survivor of the fittest, and don't you let me forget it.*

* I have this annoying tendency to overlook the truly significant things, but it's nothing a swift paw -Eye of the tiger, baby. Eye of the tiger!- to the backside won't rectify.

The Sound of the River

It's inaudible 'cause I don't flow. (I know.)

Wednesday, June 09, 2010

Things to Do in the Desert (Third Entry)

If I were living in a desert I'd like to do something worthwhile, something noteworthy. I would, for example, take up the art of aikido. "But K," you say, "what does aikido have to do with living in a desert? It's Japanese." Fair point, I suppose, but only ostensibly so, for in reality, Steven Seagal is a white guy who studied aikido in Japan, returned to the United States and went on to star in several action films as well as (if not more importantly) make an appearance on the Merv Griffin Show.

If he could do all that, there's no good reason why I can't study aikido in the desert. So fuck it!

Tuesday, June 08, 2010

Garbage Day!

This afternoon I came across the following quiz in an English textbook:

Do You Have Good Cell Phone Manners?

Directions: check always, sometimes, or never for each of the statements listed below. [Note: the profuse usage of negatives wasn't entirely my idea, though I did rephrase a few of them to ease the answering process]

1. I don't speak loudly on the phone, since other people are not interested in my conversations.

2. I don't set my ring tone at a high level.

3. I don't stand near other people when making a call.

4. I don't leave my phone turned on at the movies, in a theater, or in class. If I'm unable to switch it off, I at least set it to vibrate.

5. I stop what I'm doing to make a call. I don't talk to someone else, check my e-mail, or surf the Internet while on my cell phone.

6. I don't use my phone for calls on a crowded train or bus.

7. I don't make a call while driving.

8. I refrain from talking on the phone when buying something in a store or checking in at an airport, as it isn't polite.

9. I don't use my phone on an airplane or in a hospital. It can cause problems with their technology.

10. I refuse to set really bad pop songs as my ring tone.


My Score
always: 7
sometimes: 3
never: 0

To be fair, I don't use my cell phone terribly often (having said that, as of late I've been pulled into that digital maelstrom like nobody's business), which should explain my score. If I were addicted to my phone, you'd see a marked difference from the aforementioned results.

Sparkles's Score
always: 8
: 2
: 0

Nice work, junior! Granted, one of the sometimes answers involves shitty ring tones (which is a biggie for me) but still, you just went up a notch in my book, player.*

Irish Coffee's Score
always: 7
sometimes: 3
never: 0

This doesn't surprise me, although I'm certain to be mauled later for my lack of surprise. That's how the Irish roll!

Random Student's Score
always: 3
sometimes: 5
never: 2

Not bad, kid. You're not perfect, but then again, who is?** For a sixteen-year-old girl, you've demonstrated considerably good manners, grossly inappropriate inquiry regarding my opinion of your school uniform's skirt notwithstanding.

Random Middle-Aged (40-60) Korean Guy's Score
always: 0
sometimes: 0
never: 146,000

You stay classy, Mr. Cho!

I'll happily amend this post for anyone else willing to participate, though you face some stiff competition in the form of Mr. Kim Lee Cho. Best of luck!

* It's not so much the ring tone itself but the outrageously high volume of the music which plays as callers await an audience with the late, great Eoin Forbes that drives me batshit crazy.
** Gene Hackman, of course.

Monday, June 07, 2010

Things to Do in the Desert (Second Entry)

Today is Monday; not a Manic Monday (even though I wish it were Sunday), more of an I-don't-have-to-run day, so just another ho-hum Monday.

Living in the desert, I wouldn't have this problem because I'd have a genuine, straight-from-the-Seventies dune buggy! Job, no job, constipation, incontinence; all worries will roll -or blow- away as I jam from Dune A to Dune B in style!* As Rhett Butler said prior to ravaging Scarlett O'Hara for the fifteenth first time, awwwwwwwwwwwwwww yeah!**

Contrary to what's been implied by friends across the globe (to say nothing of the picture above, even though I just did, sort of), pink would not be my first choice in colors, but a gal's gotta do what a gal's gotta do, and this gal will take whatever she can get. I should also note that I need not be the sole occupant of said vehicular device; far from it, in fact, since that would be uncouth. Equally vulgar would be hiring a driver because the dune buggy itself is mine (all mine!) and the greatest pleasure is derived from being the wheelman, not a passenger. In other words, hit the showers Pradeep.*** I've got this covered, though on second thought, before that ten-second splash of water hits your body you could earn your pittance by constructing a robotic companion for my whimsical jaunts!

Why a robot, you ask? Well, that rocket launcher ain't gonna launch anything by itself.

* Speaking of jammin' and stylin', it's a toss-up as to which song, Panama or I Wanna Rock, is to accentuate the dune buggy's maiden voyage. Suggestions are welcome.
** I endorse not what transpired, but the enthusiasm applied.
*** If you live in the desert, it's only natural to hire a Sri Lankan handyman to attend to all -and I do mean all- one's needs.

Friday, June 04, 2010


It's good to be back. I don't get dirty looks when I spit in ashtrays anymore. Still get them when I do on children, though. Word to Charles Barkley.

I love being a perpetual newb. It's like dying and being born again.

Things to Do in the Desert (First Entry)

Lately, I've given an inordinate amount of thought to the notion of living in a desert. No particular reason, mind you -just rumination I suppose- but nevertheless; deserts, yeah. Contrary to popular opinion, fun times can be had atop the burning sand and below the scorching sun.

A person could, for example, get bitten by have a pet scorpion, preferably the one shown below.

Adorable! I've decided to call him Shanghai Spice, and I look forward to being poisoned by him in the not-so-distant future.

P.S. You thought I was going to reference a German rock band somewhere in this post, didn't you?

P.P.S. You know this clown all too well, my beloved retards.

Wednesday, June 02, 2010

Nothing to See Here...

...Except for what's been on my mind this fine Wednesday:

There are a few other things occupying my thoughts, perhaps, but you get the gist of it, right?

Tuesday, June 01, 2010