Sunday, October 11, 2015

Ow: The Movie (Original Motion Sickness Soundtrack)

Things That are Easy to Do with a Broken Rib:

- Watching 8+ hours of the final day of The 2015 President's Cup while lying in bed

Things That Range from Really Hard to Fucking Impossible to Do with a Broken Rib:

Everything else. Including:

- Stopping a playful Dachshund from jumping all over your torso

- Not saying the word "fuck" fewer than 1800 times in the span of an hour

- Laughing, coughing, crying, clearing your throat, blowing your nose, trying to take a shit (high price, small reward), being able to grab your phone when it's *just* out of reach and trying to use the Force like Luke Skywalker in the wampa's cave rather than vociferating the above item an additional 354 times

- Sleeping. I've always envied people who can sleep on their back, and never so much as these past two days. How do you do that? I can only sleep on my right side, in one position, for a few minutes at a time.

- Speaking more. Than two. Words. At a. Time.

(You should see the other guy, though. Fists like concrete, but he was covered in blood by the time I got off of him. A sidewalk learned its lesson that night.

Aim for the bushes.)

No comments: