Sunday, August 31, 2014

Two Step

As a responsible adult (or, perhaps more accurately, a reasonable hand-drawn facsimile thereof), I don't often find myself hungover, but that is what I am today. Nobody's perfect. Joe E. Brown said that.

I have been nursing my figurative scars (did I really try to sing "99 Luftballons" in the original German at karaoke?) and my literal wounds (Laphroaig is the gift that keeps on giving -- and taking) all day, but instead of drinking a can of Dawn 808, I chose to throw on a pair of headphones and listen to some tunage* to sort myself out, to right the ship. (And now I'm nauseated again because of that metaphor.)

It worked. Sort of. There's no magic cure for a bad hangover, but, at least for today, The Cars' eponymously titled first album was a slight elixir, if not a panacea. It was just what I needed (just what I needed!), you might say.

The Cars is on no one's shortlist of the greatest album ever made**, but it is a great album. And what it has that most albums don't is the very rare species of the 1-song-disguised-as-2-songs closer "Moving in Stereo/All Mixed Up."

And that got me thinking -- which is always as stupid and dangerous as an assault on Precinct 13. What is the greatest 1-2 punch in music? This excludes Abbey Road's medley, The Mars Volta's entire discography, and EPMD's "Jane" songs.

All I can think of right now is Zwan's Jesus I/Mary Star of the Sea***.

I could probably think of others if I wasn't so tired. But I am, so I can't.

* I also typed Raekwon's "Spot Rusherz" into AT&T's Natural Voices, because that's what hungover people do, right?

** yet

*** Pitchfork album rating: 4.8 The Cars: 5.7. Eric B & Rakim's Paid in Full: 7.8. There are people who trust Pitchfork reviews as the gold standard of music criticism. They are, largely, stupid and/or misled. (This footnote is sponsored by Vitamin Water.)

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