Monday, August 25, 2014

Stratified Sincerity and the Kaleidoscopic Unknown

     Roughly one week ago (nine days, for those with OCPD), a mildly intoxicated friend divulged the most startling of shocking secrets to me: that despite having been a friend of yours truly for nearly sixteen years, she still felt as though she didn't really know me. Others, meanwhile, have stated that it's more than a tad challenging to determine whether I'm joking about something or entirely sincere. With that in mind, let's go over a smattering of statements I have made this past year.

1) "I wish you the best of luck on your upcoming licensing exam."

Sincerity, She Wrote! Seriously, the person to which the preceding statement was made would need Lady Luck to give the scoring computer a blow job in order to pass the aforementioned exam.

2) Came across this on Facebook a short while back:
   and responded with this:

Fifty Shades of Sincerity. Admittedly, this one is a bit tougher to decipher. On the one hand, what the hell do I know about good vibes? On the other hand, I love this song like Bob Guccione loved inserting hardcore sexual material into Caligula: it's all sorts of fucked up, sure, but the heart wants what the heart wants. 

3) In March, I had lunch with a group of people, and as I waited for the food to arrive, I entertained myself by twirling a particularly dull knife between my fingers. This disturbed one of my companions, who stated that she felt uncomfortable with my actions because it made her wonder if I was going to stab someone. I assuaged her concern by stating that I had no intention whatsoever of stabbing someone with the blade in question - a knife, I might add, that would have trouble piercing toilet paper. 

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Sincerity. If I were to stab someone at a restaurant, it would be with a fork. Knives are for slashing(,) people. 

4) "A DBT book might make for a useful addition to your library. You could take that as some manner of insult or a genuine recommendation, as is your prerogative."

CSI: Sincerity. Regardless of my intention, the fact remains that said person would benefit immensely from a text pertaining to Dialectical Behavior Therapy as applied to daily living skills. 

5) "Be sure to give [        ] and [        ] my very, very best of best wishes and kindest of kind regards."

The Price is Right Sincerity Showdown. What's your bid? 

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