Sunday, January 19, 2014

Same Title, Different Song XVI

Winter. It's more than a season, it's a state of mind; a state of mind, I say! It's cold, sometimes snowy, and in such a state, you feel especially lazy, am I right? As crazy as this may sound, we've all been there and I, for one, empathize with the sluggish perspective. Some days, you just need to set the heat to full blast and relax, and if the readers of this beautiful blog are anything like me, myself, and I, relax is best described as the delicate combination of

1) lounging about in one of the following: boxers, briefs, lingerie, oversized t-shirt, jersey (but only if it was produced prior to 1987*), granny nightgown (with sleeping cap and slippers, obviously), suit (birthday, clown, or pinstripe), diaper (with or without rattle and bonnet, it's your call)


2) holding one of the following in your lap: bucket of fried chicken, family size bag of Doritos (Cool Ranch, of course), Taco John's Six-Pack and a Pound, fully cooked (and fully stuffed) Butterball turkey**, fifteen-pound bag of Iams ProActive Health adult large breed dry dog food***, massive novelty Twizzler just a bit less bulbous than a blue whale's penis

but don't forget the secret ingredient, which is

3) to declare oneself too busy for this or that, such as:
         Hit the gym? Are you serious? I'm too busy for that today.
        Get the tires on my car rotated? That can wait till next month. 
        Listen, Mom, you can wait to go to the bathroom for at least another hour.
        Thesis? Let me get back to you about that. There's a Miami Vice marathon on Spike. 
        Who shot you? Anyway, I'll be at the hospital sometime tomorrow or the day thereafter. 

Isn't winter grand? 'Tis the season for sloth, so snuggle up, settle down, and enjoy the shortened days with a couple of appropriately titled songs. I can only hope that you aren't too busy to give them a listen.

Great Northern - Winter
Maps and Aliases - Winter


** Do I get to use silverware? If you have to ask, you aren't ready for the answer.
*** Dude, if you can't afford human food, hit the local pantry. 

No comments: