Monday, September 27, 2010

It's About That Time (Reprisal)

Dear Chicken Wire, Harbinger of Half-Baked Annotation,

    I don't intend to mince words but you need to understand a few things. Firstly, I do my best to exercise restraint in potentially-explosive situations (and you know how I am regarding emotions!) so I won't get too upset about your abrupt departure. Given how I struggle to control my temper, however, please understand that this predicament in which we find ourselves is entirely your fault, and thus, any forthcoming abuse is entirely warranted.

    Second, since you're leaving me, I feel it's my duty to inform you that I, in fact, left you first. Sure, this is still my house (and my rules!) so it's not as if I'm going anywhere but nevertheless everyone in town will be made to think it was I who dumped you. Please understand this aspect of my culture as to do otherwise would result in me losing face, which is a concept that trumps integrity in all possible circumstances.

   What next? Oh yeah, money stuff. Pursuant to the horseshit you've just been fed, it stands to reason that you owe me some cash, and if not, I'll pettily concoct some ridiculous pretense for withholding a portion of your earnings. Undue rent, inflated utility bills, nonexistent pension plans, taller-than-me tax: whatever works, my friend! Please understand that you've only yourself to blame for having the audacity to jump ship before I saw fit to cast you overboard.

    Lastly, I'm only being such a bastard 'cause you stole the last bottle of soju that one time. You know how much that shit means to me.

Frustratingly yours,



1 comment:

William George said...

Fly like the kimchi farts on the last train on Saturday night!