Futility and Fermentation

Comments. When it comes to PK, some folks leave them, most folks don't, and to an extent, I can empathize with readers' reticence because, in all honesty, most posts are made regardless of readers' accolades, disapproval, or dismay. We still love you (and all that), but more often than not, what is there to say about a PK post? Either you like it, or loathe it. A few may even elicit a faint laugh or two, and that's good enough for me (not for Sparkles, perhaps, but we'll get to that later.)

Now when I said that people often neglect to comment, I should have clarified (though clarity is scarcely my forte, but alas, alas), which is to say people make comments to me but elect not to post them. Some of these people have no interest in blogging and, by extension, have nothing to push. Some commentary is provided in person (much to my chagrin, as conversation is just masturbation with extra mess) while other readers choose to email / instant message me with remarks and/or questions, since that is something, presumably, much more personal in nature. In the end, I suppose it would be a titanic platitude to propose that all these individuals have their own, super-special reasons to refrain. So be it.

But now I'm going to highlight and discuss a few of these previously unseen comments, just because.

You proofread AND offer tech support. That's cool. Can you cook, too?

Well, I can't proofread worth shit (which is something else I'll get back to later), my tech support is spotty at best, and my cooking skills are limited to boiling the elderly in large kettles. Seriously, though, I can cook up a mean tuna sandwich.

What's your problem?

Be more specific, please.

Are there going to be any more podcasts?

Tough call. We received a fair number of downloads during production, but scheduling said podcasts is a total mess. Also, there's a limit to just how many dorky topics nerds can discuss.

The podcasts are kinda boring.

Yeah. That's another reason for our laziness, but let's keep it a secret.

I always fancied myself a sadist. I am proud of the icy, vindictive, malicious, murderous psychopath you created in my likeness. Keep it up.

Hmm. Now I'm the one withholding comments.

Why are you asking me to read this post before you post it?

Because I thought you were an expert proofreader, and I was fairly intoxicated to boot.

Is that a picture of me you just posted?

Seriously

Was there any point to that post?

I get this question frequently, but I'll target this post specifically, because it's both the most recent occurrence of such a comment, and an excuse to elaborate upon my shitty proofreading ability.

First, the point or lack thereof. I suppose it had some purpose, but its explicit objective is lost to me, which is a common theme for virtually all posts I make (including this one). If you're set on something concrete, I'll say this: dialogue is tough for me. In fact, I'd even go so far as to state that it troubles me. Therefore, I make it a point to write dialogue, if only as an exercise. (And to be a total bitch, do feel free to show me up whenever you like.)

I'd also argue that it's a fair, unadulterated representation of the manner in which Sparkles and I converse. Swear to god, we sound like that when we talk amongst ourselves,* which happens often. I'd also note that we're frequently in situations eerily similar to those presented in the aforementioned post.

Second, the proofreading. Normally, I attempt to proofread, but to be candid, the ending of the post mentioned above was handled a tad sloppily. I've since removed a shred of ambiguity, but not the kind you'd been looking for. Long story short, I suck balls at proofreading.

[I guess my suggestion would be, Don't look for something that's not there?]

Have you and Sparkles dated?

No. Again, no. Sure, the first time we met, he proved unsettling with his suggestively kinky demeanor, but we've moved ahead with our lives. He's also very happily married.

Write what you know.

If that's the case, I can only shudder to think just what, if anything, we know.**

Do you really care about the comments?

Really? Feedback amuses me, sure, insomuch that it's something for us to discuss, as opposed to that ever-so-prevalent silence. If you feel more comfortable talking about posts in private, don't feel any pressure to change things up. Sparkles loves getting comments; he's a bit vainglorious that way, but that's just the way he's made, ladies and gentlemen!

In other words, don't leave comments for me. Do it for him. Make him feel even more special than he already is!

* If such dialogue makes your brain fart, well, thank that same god you don't hang out with us regularly.

** Suppositories?

Bonus!

What's with the picture at the top of this post?

That's just me after a night of heavy drinking.

Service!

Don't you have any friends?

Do the undead count as friends? If so, then yes.