The Blog of Universal Appeal

Today I woke up early. About eight o’clock. Couldn’t take a big dump or small dump because I was worried about my car, which broke down yesterday. Tried to fix it but gave up and drank some delicious Smirnoff vodka. I want to thank the good folks at Smirnoff for making the best vodka in the world. It makes the nights fly by.

My father and I tried to fix the Ford Ranger but failed. My dad’s accent is funny, so he says things like:

“Why you buy Pordu Langa? No good car.”

“Where is lunchee? It erebun o’crock. Eat now.”

“I rike Judge Judy.”

His accent is so cute, but not today. Today he’s angry because the car is broken. I had a big lunch. Turkey sandwiches are the best, but not with mustard. I ate three sandwiches with my vodka. Waiting for my father to get ready to go to the auto shop was tough. The vodka always takes the edge off the pain. So does taking a dump. Poop. Poop.

Poop reminds me of something. Saw on the news today that health care is such a big issue in the United States. The country is going down the crapper faster than you can say Glenn Beck. The guy is a fucking genius, but what do I care about the U.S.? The sky is falling. We’re doomed. Poop down the toilet. But it’s not water in the bowl. It’s vodka.

Watched the Abominable Dr. Phibes this afternoon. What a great movie. Vincent Price is a big name in Hollywood, and he smokes cigarettes. A lot. I remember when Thriller came out. I thought Michael Jackson was fucking good.

I’m gonna take a nap now.