The Enabler

We get so few comments here at Psychedelic Spicy Fermented Cabbage that I'm always pleased when you, Constant Retard, drop us a line. Back when PK was in its earliest stages/the dream of an autistic kid, comments were more plentiful, and to be honest it has always perplexed me that the number of comments declined so considerably over the years; but Kmart, the man and the myth, has repeatedly assured me this is due more to our continual voyage into waters esoteric rather than a decline in retardship, and me being the optimistic bastard I am, and also because the overall quality of PK has grown since its shaky, often cringeworthy inception, I'm inclined to believe the lovable gore fetishist.

As the familiar story goes, PK is a blog written by people who live/have lived (and loved) in Korea, but rarely is it about Korea. To call Psychedelic Staple Side Dish a Korean blog would be erroneous, something akin to labeling Dokdo the Liancourt Rocks, Takeshima, or some shit. Sure, we will occasionally touch upon Korea-related issues (especially when it comes to the arts and hot women!), but that's a product-of-one's-environment sort of thing rather than a concerted effort to limit ourselves based on where we live and what goes on here. There are far too many blogs for that already, the majority of them pretty damn cannibalistic and poorly written. It's not hard to scan the dailies and Internet message boards for inspirational fodder or to comment on hot topics that other blogs are jumping on, and we have prided ourselves on our maxim that PK is bigger than all of that. As this blog's founder and chief editorial nutcase, why would I want to pigeonhole myself as a "Korean blog" when I can do so much more? Word to Jonathan Livingtston Seagull, Psychedelic Kimchi is forever striving for transcendence (acceptance?), and limiting ourselves to a small (but dynamic!) Asian peninsula goes against our ethos of being universal.

Still, because of PK's Korean ties, I'll occasionally get comments ranging anywhere from innocuous ("I would like to teach you about Korean culture") to downright weird ("I am lovesick man. Do you have a time?"). I generally refuse to publish such comments on the basis that they add nothing to the site, but this one time I'm making an exception. The comment in question was surely written by some bored idiot pretending to come off as an evangelical Korean, but the more I thought about it the more I pitied the dude. After all, he spent minutes of his precious life writing a comment that no one would read. Until now, that is. Thinking about it, I realized that this lonely miscreant and I share a kinship, because what is PK if not a black hole where ambitious writing remains trapped in stasis, waiting to be discovered by intellectuals and Google searchers for things that smell like cum?

So here you go, Anonymous. I hope today brings you satisfaction, a satisfaction that can only be achieved by having your lame comment published on Psychedelic Kimchi, the best blog in the history of fire or pussy.

Dear Spark,

I am happy you have a family and you all are well inCorea [1]. However you have many gross and evil pictures of horror nasty stuff an you keep on saying Christains are bad and religion is too [2]. I will tell you yyou are a bad role model for your family- I hope it does NOT happen- but I think yur kids [3] will grow up without any universal law beliefs and become hopeless wasteland pleasure seekers like you [4]- and lack any love of God. This is bad becasue than they will hurt themselves in bad sexual realtionships tat are harmful. Do you not want your kids to grow up with some morals and a rooted lasting self esteeem in the belief God loves them and wants the best for them? Ok well anyway I still think there is hope for you and your fakily because God can change anyone [5] as long as they are alive and have free will.

Anyhow I am also kind of jealious cuz no Korean girl woud marry me [6] but I can always try to marry some poor girl in the next poor country I teach in. Please contact me in a comment if you know any cute ladies who like somewaht fatty USA guys in almost 40. Yeah but it is true Korean girls are so cute- anyhow I still hope it goes good for you and the family but your hooror pictures are so ugly and gangster music is bad too [7] teaching youngsters that guns/drugs/ and violence are c00l as well as sex as afun sport. I hope you dont let your kid listen to gangster music or watch horror movies.

Anyhow I have to go get ready for church- I am riding my bike there cuz I need to lose wieght- oh I am serious about the Korean girl thing but I do not want to wed a buddha or atheist girl though...

Ok c u in Korea soometime if I ever go to seoul and we meet up beacuse you want my advice. I got to go back sometime foe all the milions of cash Ileft in myKorean bank account take care- and I rthink read the book of John so you can come to serve Christ and not your fleshly desires of hambergurgres and taco bell - oh by the way I am going to taco beell today ha ha u go it some kimchee chigah for mre ok [8]>?

Later

Some comments:

1) I am well, but my family is not solely in Korea. We span the globe like sleeper cells.

2) Have I? I was raised Christian, and I have no ill will toward any religion. Heck, I still spell God with a capital G and use words like "heck."

3) You are under the mistaken impression that I have more than one child. They -- God, as it were -- broke the mold with the 18th Letter, so I'm not eager to have any more. My ex-wife, though? That bitch is a baby factory!

4) Hopeless wasteland pleasure seekers...I like how that sounds. I'm demanding that Kmart adopt it as the title of his American vacation fast food blogging posts.

5) I sincerely hope God can change your poor spelling. Do you believe in miracles?

6) I married two (not concurrently, lest I be branded a bigamist). Try to have more confidence. Women like a man who's assure of himself. Failing that: chloroform.

7) If you have issues with the pictures, take it up with Kmart. I tend to post pics of nature, because that's what garners the most hits. And calling KMD gangster music is akin to calling Yanni reggaeton.

8) I could eat "kimchee chigah" till I vomit, and occasionally have I done just that. No sarcasm. I love that shit like Christ loved Judas.