Word to Dan Ugrath (The PK is Still Free)

Last night I met up with K-Hot, aka 'The Machine,' pka Man's best friend's best friend. Bastard that I am, I had promised to see Iron Man with the gentleman when the film was released. That didn't happen*. However...I WOULD NOT MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE TWICE. The Incredible Hulk would unite us.

Marvel at our glory.

7:53 p.m. -- My younger, more handsome, taller, and more adept at throwing knives half-brother finally shows up. He says he was delayed by the train. I say he's delayed by RPG video games. (Sorry, action-based RPG video games. And Korean lemon-beer adverts.)

7:59 -- I'm convinced that the Korean economy has gotten this far because ELEVATORS ARE A GREAT PLACE TO MEET WOMEN. Seriously, can a 10-floor building WITH A FUCKING MULTI-FLOOR MOVIE THEATER AT THE TOP get more than two elevators? Please?

8:09 -- Tickets in hand, I suddenly remember that I have a Lotte points card. The tellercashierwhateverthefuckyoucallsomeonewhosellsticketsatacinema looks nonplussed. If I had said, "Remember when I long-dicked you and broke your ovaries?" she wouldn't have looked more shocked. She tells me that the theater is on the tenth floor, and that I should take the escalator up. Her eyes, however, tell me that Hell is only a window-jump away. I ponder.

8:19 -- With time to murder, we -- with age comes wisdom -- go for burritos at one Dos Tacos. K orders a chili burrito, I order a refried bean-chicken badboy. Someone dies. I'm not saying who.

9:00 -- Cory Feldman is discussed. At length.

9:40-11:34 -- The Incredible Hulk makes me glad I was born. I'll save the gushing for a PKast (because I'm lazy like that), but some things need to be said:

1) I sorta like living in a world where the director of The Transporter makes a better Hulk film than Ang Lee. Matter of fact, I think this should be a trend. Let's have Paul WS Anderson direct The Ice Storm. Starring Jake Gyllenhaal and Penelope Cruz.

2) As I've mentioned before to my life coach, Superman 2 is the best true comic book movie, but The Incredible Hulk comes close. Proof? Michael K. Williams, pka Omar, makes a cameo. As Omar. If Tony Stark at the end of the film is a geek orgasm, Omar is the money shot. Spoilers.

3) Now that's a fucking score.

12:03 a.m. -- Chinese beer and Tennessee sipping whisky: two great tastes that taste great together.

12:04 -- Conversation topics include the sublimeness of The Incredible Hulk, Phil Collins, Brett Easton Ellis, and octopus anuses.

1:04 -- Two sandpaper salesmen, in Seoul on business for five days, approach us and buy us drinks. I AM NOT KIDDING. We talk about Star Wars. We drink whisky. I smile every time the Phantom Menace is disparaged. Someone dies. Spoilers.

3:16 -- We stumble into Ho Bar CVII (it's next to Kukmin Bank in the year 2706). The staff is sweeping the floor so dexteriously that it looks as though they're practicing curling. I hit the head, K-Hot eats nuts**, and we agree that neither of us belong in such an establishment.

3:23 -- We stumble into Ho Bar CVIII (it's in your soul, in the places your lung brush can't reach). The staff is tired. Someone was probably murdered earlier. I only hope it wasn't Chocolate Chip Charlie.

4:18 -- The BK lounge, remarkably, is open! What are the odds? There's an old guy who looks dead in the corner. K-Hot kills my high by mentioning that he saw the old man shift in his seat. I. Am. Disappointed.

Like a motherfuck.

This is the end of side A. Pleasu take out the cassette and...


* because I'm easy like Sunday morning and shoplifting.

** Write that on his epitaph!