Junebug

Like Gary Larson's The Far Side, an inordinate number of my Psychedelic Kimchi posts are bug-themed.

And this one is no different.

Last night I, my wife, and our daughter went shopping for groceries at E-Mart, which on a weekday feels kinda eerie, sort of like when you were a kid and had to visit your school on Parent/Teacher Night.

We shopped. I stocked up on the four food groups: hot dogs, SPAM, potato chips and beer, and further amused myself by emancipating canned goods from their labels; my wife had fun tasting every free sample offered -- WARNING: AJUMMAHOOD APPROACHING! -- and spent roughly 20 minutes trying to decide which brand of milk to buy; and our daughter, the precocious scamp, ran amok until she became mesmerized by the king crabs, and in a voice filled with deep longing said she'd like to hop in the tank with them. She chickened out when I picked her up and tried to toss her in, though, the wimp.

But the real fun didn't begin until we reached the check-out counter upstairs on the main floor. My wife, ever the Frugal Francine, pulled an old plastic E-Mart bag from her purse. Because plastic E-Mart bags cost an astronomical 50 won. Outrageous, non?

Anyway, she handed the bag to me. That's when I noticed there was a round black insect of considerable size -- what do I look like, an entomologist? -- on it.

Initially I didn't do anything. Because, you know, bugs are icky. I instead pointed the bug out to my wife.

In retrospect, probably a bad idea.

Now, it's kinda late in the story here, but I should mention that, as all this occurred, two children -- brother and sister -- of the mother behind us were standing next to me, gaping. I think it was my handsome eyes. Might have been my alluring smell.

Regardless, these two kids were standing close by, mouths ajar. And when my wife saw the bug, she hastily flicked it.

Right into the boy's open mouth.

[Marv Albert Voice]

YES!

And no. See, as funny as I found it, the little boy felt the opposite, and that's an understatement. After taking a couple of seconds to register what had just happened, he spit the bug out and started to wail. Amazingly and perplexingly, his sister started crying too. Their mother, who was behind my wife and busy unloading her groceries, became startled. I, on the other hand, was riveted. The whole scene weirdly reminded me of the part in A Christmas Story when Ralphie's parents take him and his brother to the department store to see Santa Claus.

My wife did her best to try to calm down both children and placate their mother. Meanwhile, every shopper and clerk in the vicinity looked on, trying to figure out what the hell had happened.

And as much as I enjoyed the show, I was pretty relieved when, groceries bagged, it was time to fly.

(I kill me.)