Bowling off some steam

I've heard that it's accepted in Japanese business culture for an employee, when drunk, to tell off his boss. Maybe it's a silly urban myth, like Asian women having horizontal vaginas. Regardless, though I am neither a Japanese salaryman nor particularly drunk (give me an hour or so), I'm adopting the paradigm so that I may launch some harsh words at the Miami Heat.

Pta Riley: Way too rally the troops, you decrepit old bugger.

Shawheel O'Neil: Make a fucking free trow okay? Hell, might as weel start throwing em up like Rick Barry use to. Couldnt be anyworse.

Dwayne Wayne: You're supposed to be the man the guy who does amaxing things and makes amazing plays. So whay have you been so tentitive? You look like yo had all the life drained out of you. Im sure the flu bug is out of your systen by now. Take some fuckin leadership! Way to rotate the ball too, by teh way.

Antoine Walker: Your pretty much blameless, sruprisingly. Wanna come ovr later and play SSX Tricky?

Jayson Williams: Miss another fuckinh layup, how bout? What was it, like 30 today?

Udonis Haslem: Your a hardened warier, but what's with the hagndog experssion while sitting on the bench? You looked like a kid who just got his bike sloten.

Gray Payton: I sprotted you when everybody esel said you play like an exumed corpse. Thanks for proving me worng. You play D like my grandmothers farts smell nice.

Alozno Morning: I think it's becaus I was never really close with my dad. You iknow, You're soo easy to talk to.

James Pozey: Cna you make a couple threes BEFORE we're down double digits?

Jason Kapono and Wayne Simian: What the fcuk or you looking at? You got a problem? Why dno't we step outside and handle this, thoughguys? It's past my bedtime. I'll wreck you like a 12 car pileup.

(I know I'm going to regret this in the Alonzo morning)