I said "I'm 19," she said "stop lion."

When I was an infant on Rigel 4 and the space monsters were inserting the recurring dreams program (I'm using the same opening that I wrote on the Christmas card to my mother; I hope my redundance can be forgiven), I think I got the short end of the stick. Some people get exploding teeth, others get to fly (a dream I've experienced only twice during my lifetime. I should have smoked more pot as a teenager); I got recurring lions.

Wicked.

I've never been face to face with a real lion. Shit, I've never even met a member of the Lions Club. Why lions? Is this like a Lovecraft story where one of my ancestors was part of an archaelogical expedition to a remote jungle in Africa, and, there, had sex with a lioness who was really of an ancient race of lion gods and godesses? I bet that's it. It might explain why I get a hard-on whenever I see the MGM logo.

A few nights ago I had another lion-dream. I was walking to the bus stop, on my way to work, when I remembered that I forgot to take my wallet. I turned back, but about 30 yards away noticed a lion sitting in front of the brick wall I had passed just 1 second earlier (I walk fast in my dreams...that is unless I'm being chased by a faceless guy trying to kill me. Those times, I tend to scoot about as quick as a fly on fly paper). If it wasn't winter break, I'm pretty sure that lion would have eaten at least a half dozen elementary school kids. I'll leave it up to the reader to decide whether that was luck or misfortune.

Anyway, I decide that I'd rather carjack a ride to work than stroll past that lion (I can be aloof at times, but you try looking all nonchalant when there's a fucking lion sitting on a patch of grass next to the sidewalk), and walk towards the bus stop. When I get to the intersection, I think to myself "that's what's wrong with this country: they don't keep tabs on their lions, they just let them roam free to maul anyone whom they come across."

Then, and I swear to god this is true, I saw a tiger prowling in front of E-Mart. I think he was pissed that the lion was stealing his thunder -- after all, I'm living in Korea. Shouldn't a tiger be more apt? -- but I'm no Sigmund Freud. What I'm hoping will happen tonight is that the lion and the tiger will square off against one another, winner take all. I'm going to eat a tuna, curry, bacon and onion sandwich in hope of it coming true.

Rest assured, I'll keep you posted.