It's Fantastic (vol. 2)

In my free time I like to read, watch movies, masturbate with an ungodly proclivity, and follow sports -- specifically basketball. With the start of the NBA regular season, I've become somewhat caught up in all the games; and because they are blessedly showing a ton of games on Korean cable, book reading and movie watching have taken a back seat (I can still manage to masturbate, of course...during half-time). So be warned: if for obvious reasons this blog is scarcely about anything else save basketball until July, don't hate me.

It could be a lot worse. I could be writing about pro wrestling.

And with that, while I await my job offer from ESPN.com -- or possibly LESBN.com (NSFW!) -- I give you some more thoughts on the young NBA season:

1) Is Larry Brown on crack? Granted, I don't have one of the highest win percentages in basketball, so who am I to judge? But the substitutions he made in that game against Golden State were downright insane.

Is he purposefully trying to make his players hate him?

Speaking as a Jamal "Fades 'Em All" Crawford owner, I sincerely hope Lurry checks himself before he wrecks himself. What's the over-under on Starbury or Mally G pulling a Latrell on coach B before Christmas?

2) I take back what I said about the Kings (I believe I said they were screeeeewed, possibly with a few less or a few more e's). They handled themselves nicely in PHX against the run-n-gun Suns (hot cross buns/I had fun with your mum). Put Mike D in charge of that team and they're the 2nd best team in the Western Conference. Stop laughing, I'm serious.

3) Prediction: things are going to get worse in Cleveland before they get better -- though I sincerely hope they get better soon. I've never been to Cleveland, but my wish is that LBJ stays there his entire career (or at least until he retires and comes back for the 2nd time and tarnishes his legend). You can call me old school: I believe the true greats stay in one city for their entire career. Guys like Reggie Miller. Or Len Bias. I'm also worried that he'll wind up in a Knicks uniform somewhere down the road, and that look would be so wrong for him. It would totally NOT accentuate his eyes.

4) People sometimes compare Ron Artest to athletes such as Dennis Rodman or Terrel Owens; but Ron's on a completely 'nother level. Seriously, he's batshit crazy. Not Tara Reid crazy, but Sid Vicious crazy. I bet coach Carlisle's wife says to him in bed every night Rick, you don't have to do this. You're endangering your life and ours. Walk away! Please! Walk Away!

In 5 years Ron will be dead or starring in a Vivid porn DVD like Tom Sizemore. Hopefully not at the same time. But you never know. Ron is the NBA's Darryl Unger, only talented.

5) Radical Predictions:

NBA Champs: Spurs (duh)

Coach of the Year: Rick Adleman (please stop laughing)

Rookie of the Year: Andrew Bogut and Chris Paul (tie), though in a couple of years neither will be better than at least four of their fellow underclassmen

Comeback Player of the Year: TJ Ford. Shit, dude will be eligible for MVP if he keeps shit up.

Defensive Player of the Year: hell if I know. Ben Wallace, maybe? That shit's arbitrary, anyway. Much like...

MVP: Dwyane Wade. Go ahead and laugh some more, but mark my words: if Shaq is out for at least half of the season (and we both know he will be), and the Heat take the 1st or 2nd (possibly even 3rd) spot in the East, GQ is getting that trophy.