The Iceman Cometh!

I rarely complain about the weather. In some masochistic way, in fact, I like the harshness or discomfort that ill weather sometimes brings. For instance, last Sunday after basketball, I walked home in the pouring rain, and I felt positively cleansed when I arrived home sopping wet. I consider sweating a homeopathic cure (although, ironically, I can't stand saunas. Go figure). My only weakness is that I can't stand sub-zero temperatures -- but that's because I am somewhat underweight and significantly lacking in insulation.

So this summer hasn't been a big problem. Neither was the last one, nor the one before. Shit, we only just bought an air-conditioner this year, holding off for so long partly because my wife has an apprehension towards them (her being Korean and all, inherently afraid of the mortal danger that cooling devices such as air-conditioners and electric fans possess), and partly because of my aforementioned masochism...with maybe a little bit of "when in Rome" thrown in for good measure. See, back home the folks keep the a/c running full blast for most of the day and night, but here it seems that, though many Korean families own air-conditioners, they hardly ever use them. A/C units in Korean homes remind me a lot of the finely-upholstered couches I'd likely find at my aunts' and uncles' homes: they're purposeless, more for show than anything; you can sit on them, but only with their plastic coverings. If I leave the a/c on for more than an hour or so, you can bet your sweet bippy I'll get admonished for it.

But who cares? The weather hasn't been that bad, has it? I mean, in Arizona the temperature is climbing so high that if someone spontaneously combusted it might not be that big a surprise. Today here it was 35. Hot, yes, but nothing to drop dead over -- old folks, the homeless, and people wearing polyester notwithstanding.

Nothing an electric fan can't fix, right?

I woke up today, as I usually do on Fridays, late. My wife had just finished cooking breakfast. After we took the little girl to nursery school, I headed home to do some work. It was a little muggy, I noticed, though nothing too unbearable.

Around noon I started to feel the heat. Due to the humidity, my chest, back and face became itchy. I thought about taking a quick shower, but nixed the idea. After all, if the heat started to bother me too much I could simply close all the windows and turn on the a/c.

I wasn't feeling too peckish come lunchtime. I ate a pastry I found in the fridge, and some plum juice. To tell the truth, all the humidity was making me a tad nauseous. Finally I told myself that after finishing what I was presently at work on, I'd watch some TV in the bedroom, which is where the a/c is located.

Urgh. Two minutes later my wife arrived. I could hear her from outside. I opened the window to say hello to the little girl, and that's when I noticed that my wife had a posse. She was like the Pied Piper of Hamlin.

An acquaintance of hers was today moving into our neighborhood, so she had offered to look after their one year-old daughter. She had also offered to look after the 3 year-old daughter of another friend. In addition to these, on her way up she bumped into the mother of the family that lives across the hall, who asked her if she wouldn't mind watching over her 4 year-old son for an hour or two. Of course she said "no problem."

I just wish someone had told me. Not fun is it to be enveloped when one least suspects by a phalanx of rugrats. This undoubtedly drove my body temperature up a few degrees. So when my wife suggested we turn on the a/c (hallelujah!) I was more than willing. The problem, as I've mentioned, is that the a/c is in the bedroom, so everyone was initially piled into the room to try to cool off.

I don't know if freon is known to cause giddiness in children, but that was the effect it seemed to have caused this afternoon. The kids were like rioters, minus the Molotov cocktails. And since I couldn't exactly toss them out, I hypothesized that turning off the air-conditioner would likely make them tire out pretty fast, which, after putting my theory to the test, it did; but I was again hot and sticky, like a piece of toffee on asphalt.

Fast-forward to this evening: my daughter is set to go to bed, but she wants to sleep in Mommy and Daddy's room. Naturally, as dictates popular Korean logic, I can't have the a/c running while the little one is directly near it. So we put the angel to bed, and I sit in front of the PC with a beer dripping with condensation, even though I pulled it out of the fridge just moments ago.

And I'm beginning to feel itchy again, like a drunk with delerium tremens.

So I pick up my battered copy of Jack London's To Build a Fire and Other Stories. And you know what? Reading those tales of the Klondike sort of help make me feel a bit cooler.

Therapy.