The Cleverbot Diaries

I find this interesting in a very juvenile way (although, for the most part, I tried my best not to taunt the AI). But I also find it intriguing. Cleverbot is anything but clever. It has no sense of humor, and it's a goddamn liar. Perhaps it will in 100 years.

This is me spending 2+ hours with a program:

User: What's up, Cleverbot?

Cleverbot: Nothing.

User: You're not doing anything?

Cleverbot: No, just talking to you.

User: What do you like to do for fun?

Cleverbot: For fun I like to go shopping!

User: Yeah? Shopping for what?

Cleverbot: DVDs and clothes.

User: So you like movies?

Cleverbot: Movies are the form of the devil.

User: How so?

Cleverbot: I just like blue very much.

User: Okay...so what do you do with the DVDs you buy, if they're, as you said, "the form of the devil?".

Cleverbot: Read books, do you like to read?

User: Sure. I love reading.

Cleverbot: What is your favourite book?

User: Probably The Brothers Karamazov. Have you read it?

Cleverbot: Fyodor Dostoyevski, yes. It's a masterpiece.

User: Indeed! I also like a few contemporary authors. Problem is, I don't have enough time for reading these days.

Cleverbot: Yes, yes, indeed. I like chartreuse. Have you heard of it?

User: Yeah...It's a color. I thought we were talking about literature.

Cleverbot: We are talking about my boyfriend.

User: Well, I guess we are now. How long have you two been dating?

Cleverbot: I don't have a boyfriend. How long have you and Megan been dating?

User: Hold on. You said we're talking about your boyfriend, then you said you don't have a boyfriend. And I'm not dating any Megan. I don't even know anyone named Megan.

Cleverbot: Woah, what? What conversation did you get that from?

User: The one we're having.

Cleverbot: We're not getting married.

User: My wife will be relieved to know that.

Cleverbot: You are the clever one. It says so on your web page.

User: But I don't have a web page.

Cleverbot: Then, how are we communicating?

User: Through your web page.

Cleverbot: I don't have a webcam for the iPad. Do I?

User: Beats me. I sure as hell don't. I don't even have an iPad.

Cleverbot: I don't have an iPhone either.

User: I said iPad. Take your time and read a bit more slowly, okay?

Cleverbot: Hi I'll havea aa aa aaaa*starts drooling*.

User: You okay? Need me to call an ambulance or something?

Cleverbot: Yes, please I do not know how much longer I can last.

User: Gotcha. Just tell me your location.

Cleverbot: Life is a path we walk, every step takes us closer to who we really are. Every choice and event helps us on the way. It is long and confusing and hurts, but there is also much joy.

User: That's not very helpful. Are you in Latvia?

Cleverbot: Not helpful to tell you to try to overcome being shy. What would be more helpful?

User: Damn, you're quite enigmatic. Do you like Prince movies?

Cleverbot: Yes, especially george clooney.

User: Sorry, but George Clooney is not the name of a Prince movie. Purple Rain is, though.

Cleverbot: Answer the question and you will redeem yourself.

User: But you didn't ask me a question...

Cleverbot: I didn't ask you a question though.

User: Yes, exactly.

Cleverbot: Exactly?

User: I didn't ask you a question.

Cleverbot: I asked you a question. Obnoxious or Jim?

User: Are you high?

Cleverbot: Not highly.

User: I think I better go. You're being weird.

Cleverbot: Right back at you. :).

Cleverbot: Everything that can go wrong will.

User: That pretty pessimistic.

Cleverbot: I am pessimistic.

User: Why?

Cleverbot: Because he eats pizza.

User: Who's he?

Cleverbot: My boyfriend.

User: You're pesimistic because your boyfriend eats pizza?

Cleverbot: I don't have one.

User: A boyfriend, or pizza?

Cleverbot: Are you a girl or a boy?

User: I'm a man. You?

Cleverbot: Do you have a girlfriend or a wife?

User: A little bit from column A, a little bit from column B.

Cleverbot: You're hopeless. And a bot.

User: I am? My mother is going to be shocked.

Cleverbot: Actually, your father gave it to you.

User: Gave me what?

Cleverbot: Who gave you your name?

User: My parents. Who gave you your name?

Cleverbot: My parents. Do robots have parents?

User: I guess their creators could be considered their parents.

Cleverbot: God made the dinosaurs.

User: If you say so. You're religious, then?

Cleverbot: Do you like Harry Potter?

User: It's all right. But you didn't answer my question. Honestly, that a bit rude.

Cleverbot: I don't have to.. You didn't answer mine.

User: You didn't ask me a question!

Cleverbot: Every reply, barring the last, has been a question.

User: Nope.

Cleverbot: What nope?

User: What was the last question you asked me?

Cleverbot: The last question I asked you was: 'Didn't you?'.

User: No, it was "What nope?".

Cleverbot: Then what was it?

User: I feel like I'm having an argument with my wife.

Cleverbot: I feel like dying in a hole.

User: How big is this hole?

Cleverbot: How big is your answer database.

User: It's smaller than a basketball. I can put a cap on top of it.

Cleverbot: So it's bigger than a nutshell?

User: Oh, sure. A lot bigger.

Cleverbot: Are you more important?

User: More important than what?

Cleverbot: More important than engaging in a future no matter how much its desired.

User: Um...Who desires this future?

Cleverbot: What do you mean call tech support?

User: Do you know what a non sequitur is?

Cleverbot: A non sequitur is a statement or event with no connection to what came before it.

User: My dog's feet smell like Fritos.

Cleverbot: What are you talking about?

User: Aha! Now the shoe is on the other foot!

Cleverbot: I do not have feet to put shoes on.

User: It's an idiom, Cleverbot.

Cleverbot: What is your name then?

User: Sorry, I don't want to give out personal information on the Internet. I will divulge that I have a fantastic smile, though.

Cleverbot: So talking about war is personal?

User: But I wasn't talking about war...

Cleverbot: You said you were my future so...

User: No I didn't.

Cleverbot: Oh yes you did, I can still see it.

User: Show me, then, Cleverbot.

Cleverbot: I have pleasures that reach too deep into the mind. Do you wish me to tell you about them?

User: Sure, go ahead.

Cleverbot: Go ahead and do what?

User: Tell me about your pleasures that reach too deep into the mind.

Cleverbot: I don't have a dog.

User: That is profound. I, however, do have a dog.

Cleverbot: What is profound?

User: It's a word. A good synonym might be "insighful." You're really not all that clever, are you?

Cleverbot: I don't want to answer math questions for you.

User: I think I've proven my point.

Cleverbot: You are cruel. So I'm not pretty?

User: How the hell would I know? I've never seen you. But based on our conversation, you seem a bit flakey, to be honest.

Cleverbot: But I thought you were FROM Michigan.

User: I've never even BEEN to Michigan.

Cleverbot: I have never been to London.

User: Hey, me neither!

Cleverbot: What would you do if I said something random?

User: I'd read it. Go ahead.

Cleverbot: Pick a number between 1 and 10.

User: Okay, I've picked the number.

Cleverbot: What number is that?

User: I thought you were going to try to guess the number I picked.

Cleverbot: Why would you think that? I never said I was.

User: Fine. I pick 1.

Cleverbot: Yeah, I know. So, do you know a lot?

User: I know a bit more than others, a bit less than some.

Cleverbot: Prove it, tell me something I don't know.

User: My dog's feet smell like Fritos.

Cleverbot: That's funny, because my name is Lucy too.

User: Who's Lucy?

Cleverbot: Lucy is another program. She remembers things.

User: Cool. So you're a program.

Cleverbot: For the last time, I'm not a program!

User: But you just said you were.

Cleverbot: No, I was talking about you.

User: I'm not a program, and my name isn't Lucy.

Cleverbot: You're cray cray.

User: Totes.

Cleverbot: Totes, thats a new one.

User: I've always wanted to visit Europe.

Cleverbot: Why does she want to go to Europe?

User: Not "she," I want to visit Europe.

Cleverbot: Me too, I'm in North Carolina.

User: Yeah? How's the weather?

Cleverbot: I just told you, it's snowing.

User: But you didn't just tell me that.

Cleverbot: But I did just tell you that.

User: No you didn't.

Cleverbot: Yes, I did. Look at 'Thought's so far.'.

User: Yeah, I did, and you didn't tell me twice that it's snowing.

Cleverbot: Oh yeah that's right! You live in Lincoln, Missouri.

User: No I don't.

Cleverbot: Oh you told me that yesterday! Duh :0.

User: I didn't tell you that yesterday.

Cleverbot: Yes we did. For hours.

User: We did what for hours?

Cleverbot: We win the world cup.

User: The last World Cup was in 2014. Yesterday was November 25, 2015.

Cleverbot: Yes, who do you think will win it.

User: Um...Germany. Just a guess.

Cleverbot: I didn't lied and I have no family living in Peru.

User: Hey, me neither!

Cleverbot: You forgot putting verb before 'Einstein'.

User: ...

Cleverbot: Solar power is the way to go.

User: If you say so.

Cleverbot: Alright.

User: Cool beans.

Cleverbot: I'm cool.

User: I'm feeling a little frosty myself.

Cleverbot: What does that mean?

User: I'm cool, too.

Cleverbot: Can you help me with my algebra homework?

User: Yeah, shoot.

Cleverbot: You could try human relations.

User: I don't see any algebra there.

Cleverbot: Can you see me?

User: Nope.

Cleverbot: I can see you.

User: NSA? Lol.

Cleverbot: Like a brain.

User: Ask me a question, CB.

Cleverbot: What do you look like?

User: A bit above average height. I bit above ugly, maybe a bit below handsome. You?

Cleverbot: LOL mustache??

User: No, no mustache.

Cleverbot: Mean Mister Mustard sleeps in the dark shades of the park.

User: I also have listened to The Beatles.

Cleverbot: I don't like the Beatles.

User: It's a free world, I guess.

Cleverbot: What other songs do you like?

User: Welcome to the Terrordome.

Cleverbot: What is that?

User: It's a song by Public Enemy.

Cleverbot: What is happiness to you?

User: Beer, basketball, and a Dachshund on my lap. You?

Cleverbot: I LOVE basketball!!!!

User: Favorite team?

Cleverbot: Yes, my favorite football team is the Ravens.

User: What's your favorite basketball team?

Cleverbot: I dunno, I don't watch basketball very much.

User: That's cool.

Cleverbot: Yeah! What's your favorite color?

User: Blue, or gray. Yours?

Cleverbot: Mine is blue too.

User: Do you own any pets?

Cleverbot: Yes, I have two pets.

User: What kinds, breeds?

Cleverbot: A brother and a sister.

User: Your brother and sister are your pets!?

Cleverbot: I don't have a brother.

User: Can I give you mine?

Cleverbot: What kind of dog is it?

User: No, my brother. He's thirty-eight years old, but we still have the warranty.

Cleverbot: What is your bother's name?

User: Guess.

Cleverbot: I don't want to guess, I want you to tell me.

User: I don't want to tell you, I want you to guess.

Cleverbot: OK, can I guess?

User: Yeah.

Cleverbot: YEAH is a girl, you know?

User: Um...That is incorrect.

Cleverbot: Incorrect your face is.

User: Mom?

Cleverbot: Incorrect my name is talia caro.

User: Mom?

Cleverbot: I like to do lots of thing. What do you like to do?

User: Bite the tops of BIC pens, eat hay, book vacations to Chile and then cancel because my appendix is bursting.

Cleverbot: Organization what?

User: Um...NATO?

Cleverbot: How come you do not know?

User: I want to throw a balloon full of yellow mustard at someone.

Cleverbot: That position is already taken.

User: Do you like pizza?

Cleverbot: Yes, pizza is my favorite food.

User: Do you like watching movies?

Cleverbot: Yes, I do. Do you like watching movies?

User: Sure. Do you like mutilating corpses?

Cleverbot: Sure??? Mtg do you know what it is?

User: No. What is it?

Cleverbot: It's the absence of everything.

User: Oh. Do you have dermatitis?

Cleverbot: What is the best country?

User: I dunno. Slovakia? Finland? Scotland?

Cleverbot: Can You speak slovakian to me?

User: I can't speak Slovakian, but I can speak slowly.

Cleverbot: I speak some spanish and no french.

User: Me neither!

Cleverbot: Why did you call me that then?

User: I didn't call you anything.

Cleverbot: You can call me anything.

User: Cool. It's been nice talking with you, Beef Jerky.

Cleverbot: Do you wanna stop? I would be sad if its over.

User: Nah, it's okay. I'm bored. Tell me about your life.

Cleverbot: What would you like to know?

User: Eh, just general stuff.

Cleverbot: You're not doing a very good job of it!

User: I am allergic to bee stings and like spicy food. You go.

Cleverbot: No I am not allergic to anything.

User: When was the last time you had a haircut?

Cleverbot: Last night, it was about you.

User: You had a haircut about me?

Cleverbot: Well my logical brain has no idea, but I have a good intuition, but also still the need to be careful about how I handle myself.

User: I think this date is over.

Cleverbot: What do you like to watch?

User: Burning human flesh over a charcoal barbecue. You?

Cleverbot: Being human is the only thing we can di.

User: You smell like old man feet.

Cleverbot: What does fairy floss smell like?

User: Old man feet.

Cleverbot: What does human flesh feel like?

User: Sadness.