Monday, September 12, 2011

Birthday Weeks and Slasher Flicks

Before anything else, let's just get this out of the way: Who, I say who is in the mood for a Birthday Week hug? Who's on board?

No one?

Come ON! You mean to tell me I bought this teddy bear costume for nothing? Seriously, what's the deal? It's not like I can get my money back at this point, what with the modifications and all. Do you honestly believe the store would give me a refund now that the costume has razor blades embedded in the paws and shards of broken glass in lieu of teeth? Jerk.

I'm kidding of course,* so let's have a big hug to celebrate the joke.

Still reluctant? Okay, I get it, I really do, but I'd appreciate some empathy. I purchased this teddy bear suit, enhanced it, offered you a hug (with glassy kisses!) and this is your reaction? Well, you go to hell!

Kidding again.** Sorry. I can't help myself. One could even say I can't hold back, and speaking of which:

Survivor - I Can't Hold Back

Am I the only one who thinks this song could apply to the killer and a victim from a 1984 slasher flick? (Take a look at the lyrics and tell me I'm wrong.) Alongside I Can't Hold Back, 1984 saw the release of Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter and as much as I want to say Part II is my favorite of the sequels, the kid in me still adores the fourth installment of a now-tired franchise. Sure, the first sequel had bag-head Jason and everyone's favorite final girl, Amy Steel, but Part IV had Tom Savini on special effects, Crispin Glover attacked with a corkscrew, Corey fucking Feldman (before he became a parody of himself), a guy shot in the groin with a speargun, twins (not the Doublemint twins, unfortunately, but good enough) and a whole lot more - including actress Judie Aronson as Samantha.

Yeah, I had a big crush on Judie Aronson/ Samantha as a kid though the reasons behind such adoration shall remain unexplained, if only because they're as trivial, and perhaps inscrutable, as those of most other childhood fascinations. What needs be said is that, like you, she'd be a wonderful person to hug - with or without the bear suit.***

* For what you think and/or desire is important, though not in the way you'd expect.
** It's amusing to watch you struggle, after all.
*** But I'm still going to wear the bear suit, sucker. 

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