0 + 1 = 3 - 2 = Zero

Oasis - Fuckin' in the Bushes

Now Earth, that's a happening place. It said what I meant and I mean what it says but it just doesn't say enough about the Blue Planet, the temperate one without all the dusty rust and rusty dust. I also expressed the desire to pizzazz, yes pizzazz* that shit to the ground with sizzling bolts of deadly energy but there's more appeal to Mother Earth than senseless destruction. Inhabitants, for one. Once upon a time, Planet X was the bustling cradle of an efficient, if not stoic race of ostensibly emotionless humanoids known as Xiliens (or Xians, to some); but they've long since been eradicated from the face, and possibly the innards of this now-forgotten, rotten lump of celestial flesh and bone. Sounds extreme, I know, yet once upon that very same time, I flaunted three gloriously-horned heads where now there is but one alongside a pair of scabby, shabby stumps and besides, monster see, monster do - until there’s nothing left to be done, of course.

The Xiliens, yeah. They weren’t as emotionally vacant as they had touted themselves to be, though in comparison to humankind most everything’s positively robotic, which must be somewhat distressing for most everything else. For Xiliens, passion was demeritorious. Xiliens exercised, whereas humans work out. Xiliens consumed food designed to meet nutritive requirements, while humans ravenously devour anything that suits their particular fancy. Xiliens copulated for the purpose of reproduction. Humans, on the other hand, fuck one another -in every possible location, be it the gutter, the glassy skyscraper or even the bushes- for reasons such as stress reduction, futile replacement strategy, revenge, career advancement, boredom, self-abasement, cruelty, projection, misplaced attachment or detachment, spending money, and whatever else the mind can concoct, including love. Love, yes, love! Those poor, poor Xiliens were incapable of love, unlike mankind, for whom love moves the proverbial mountain. Of all the comparisons available, love is what truly separated the extinct race from that which dominates the Blue Planet. That, and the Xiliens could only yell, whereas humans scream, moan, and wail; this, amongst so much else, made decimating the cities of this dead world so utterly disappointing, and makes for a depressing planetary carcass on which to traipse.

Perhaps, if fate smirks upon the inhabitants of Earth, some enterprising astronomer will cast his or her telescopic gaze in the direction of this planet designated X only to see an O of sorts peering right back, though my eyes apprehend far more of them than theirs will of me.



*Pizzazz is the sound of one's flesh when teeth, tongue and lips enter the fray.