Crush, Kill, Destroy...Celts

Some thoughts while watching Magic-Celtics Game 3:

- Rondo's hustle play might just be the highlight of these playoffs. Also: if you don't want to be called "Big Baby" anymore, Glen Davis, you might consider not dancing like, well, a big baby after making a big play.

- I might go to Hell for this, but was that halftime piece on Wince Carter supposed to be a spin story to excuse his sucky play and choking? Wince should put as much effort into winning as he does into trying to get his brother clean.

- If the Celtics play the Lakers in the Finals, which, statistically speaking, is likely, they will absolutely crush them. Of that I have no doubt.

- I took the 18th Letter bowling this afternoon. It was fun. In three games I bowled 120, 130, and, get ready, 186. Rahne, God bless her, never got discouraged. She bowled 54, 40, and 54 again. And she loved it. She observed, adjusted her game accordingly, and played enthusiastically the whole time. What I'm trying to say is this: 1) The Celtics might blow out the Magic by a wider margin than the Daddy-Rahne frame disparity, 2) I'm pretty sure, based upon what I've seen this series, that my daughter could outplay the Magic's starting five, and 3) $27.50 for two games of bowling is a goddamn ripoff.

- Jeff Van Gundy just asked, "If Carter had Kobe's will, how great would he be?" We will never know, JVG, but I find myself asking similar questions:

If feces tasted like bacon, how reticent would we be to flush the toilet after defecating?

If Ryan Seacrest were as big as Godzilla, how tall would he be?

If the Middle East was largely Christian, how many strip clubs would there be?

If the Diet Pepsi I'm drinking right now were Bacardi 151, how drunk would I be?

If Rosie O'Donnell had Lee Hyori's body, how hot would she be?


And that's your ballgame, the Boston Celtics 1038, the Orlando Magic 18. Stay tuned for our player-and-coach interviews after this commercial break, which will last infinity.