Monday, March 15, 2010

Modest Mouse Monday


By popular demand, I give you the magic that is Modest Mouse! Steady yourselves, lads and lasses, as you prepare to embrace greatness! Enjoy!


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(fart)


Okay, I lied. I've nothing to enrapture you with regarding Modest Mouse. I sometimes make boasts my butt can't cash, though it's not for want of misdirection; it's just that Modest Mouse is too grand for the likes of me (and no, I'm not being modest here, hardy-har-har). Were I a better hostess -nay, a true audiophile- I'd bask in the glory of such illustrious compositions and beseech -nay, beg, double nay, force- you to do the very same, but I'm not. I'm only human, and a tone-deaf one at that. 

There are those who would label my admission as hyperbolic self-deprecation, while others may contend that I'm merely playing possum, so to speak; alas, friendly readers, you're far too kind (or delusional), and while I thank you for your devotion, the fact remains that I know nothing of quality music and, for those of you privy to my music collection, anything of merit within said assemblage is a fluke of the highest magnitude (that, or a case of probability at work).

To those yet unconvinced of my ineptitude regarding music in general, consider the following truth: I dislike Modest Mouse. I think they're an overrated band best suited for drama queens, mimes, and those with raging inferiority complexes. I'm not saying everyone who listens to Modest Mouse falls within one -or all- of the categories listed above, but if one has a hard-on for Modest Mouse they're probably working as a mime, fueled by deep psychological trauma and an unrelenting desire to torment others for the purpose of assuaging their own glaring insecurities.

As Descartes said back in 1634, I have poor taste in music, therefore I loathe Modest Mouse. It may have been I loathe Modest Mouse, therefore I have poor taste in music, but that's splitting hairs given that Rationalism is inherently flawless, while I am most definitely not.

For the precious few still loyal to my musical preferences, let me first assure you that your tireless devotion to all things Chicken Wire is duly noted, and you'll be first in line to receive a signed copy of my forthcoming 2,034-page book of music criticism entitled Blood, Milk, and Sky: How White Zombie Changed My Life with Crucified Clowns Dressed in Cum-Stained Wedding Gowns, due out in 2012. Secondly, I'd also like to reassure you that I haven't the seething, unfettered hatred of Modest Mouse that I do of, say, Jeff Tweedy and/or Wilco. Modest Mouse, for the most part, seem like nice, talented guys that just happen to create shitty music, whereas Wilco and its individual constituents are, in contrast, poster children for the termination of unwanted pregnancies. If anything, my opinion of Modest Mouse is best personified with the following image:



 A picture is worth a thousand _________* , so I'll leave it at that.



* Insert a not-so-random noun here and you'll be spot on.


P.S. Despite inclinations to the contrary, I'll readily admit that this is an extremely cool video.

P.P.S. The above post is entirely facetious except for the part about Modest Mouse sucking balls.

8 comments:

Sparkles*_* said...

The opinions expressed by Chicken Wire (aka the Bouillabaisse Baron) do not represent those of Psychedelic Kimchi. Don't listen to CW; he watches The Ghost Whisperer.

Melissa said...

Lol@Sparkles.

Chicken Wire, the Harbinger of Heavenly Annotation said...

I only watch Ghost Whisperer when 괄약근뚫고 하이킥 is on hiatus.

Special K said...

Do you actually know any Modest Mouse songs besides "Float On" (which is a pretty good song)?

Special K said...

Okay, 2 songs. He knows 2 songs.

Chicken Wire, the Harbinger of Heavenly Annotation said...

I've listened to several Modest Mouse albums in my time, Special K. Generally speaking, I believe in giving musicians the benefit of the doubt, even if they prove to be absolute shit.

P.S. I'm ever so glad to see that you discovered the flaw in your comment all on your very own.

Sparkles*_* said...

Kennan, you are of course entitled to your opinion (because I'm a benevolent Spakros), but for someone who dislikes a lot of the bands I follow -- MM, The Mars Volta, Yeah Yeah Yeahs -- it irks me that you never really explain WHY you don't like them. "Brock's voice is grating to me" or "I can't stand eleven minutes of guitar noodling" or "Karen O emasculates me" are REASONS, however simple, for disliking the aforementioned bands. Instead, you write a verbiose post that could have taken two sentences to exposit: "I don't like Modest Mouse. They suck."

Why do they suck, Kennan?

Avis said...

Come on, Sparky. If you don't know him by now, you will never, never, never know him. (Ooooooooooh)