Thursday, February 25, 2010


Snacks are just snacks, or so they say, and by they I mean people who willfully neglect to acknowledge the crisp, cheesy fact that snacks make up roughly fifty percent of my daily caloric intake.* They're in the wrong, of course, but I've no interest in flogging that bloated horse, and for those keen on trivia, this is my way of justifying terrible habits and eliminating any shred of nagging remorse.

Basically, I like snacks and -on the slight chance that you're not a fourth-dimensional jock strap- you probably do, too; thus the latest poll has taken shape. Vote as you see fit, folks, and feel free to use the comment box of this post for trash-talking and whatnot.

I'd also like to take this opportunity to address a few of the most likely questions and comments:

Q) No nacho cheese Corn Nuts?

A) I know, I know. I'm from Iowa, and you'd think I'd be all over Corn Nuts like Chicken Wire on, well, roadkill Taco Bell** Corn Nuts, but alas, they slipped my mind. Jikko and I have been popping a lot of pills lately, so it's been hard to keep track of loved ones.

Q) To which brand of salt and vinegar chips do you refer?

A) Fair question, to which I reply with a staunch "Whichever gives you the most pleasure" since there are far too many brands of the aforementioned snacks to designate any particular product as the end-all-be-all of salt and vinegar chips. 

Q) Chips? Don't you mean crisps? Any educated person would have known that chips are strips of deep-fried potato. Bloody Americans!

A) Boy, you really sat me down on that one, sir. Consider me humbled.

Q) What, no ketchup chips?

A) Hey, I like ketchup chips as much as the next guy, but they're not that good.

Q) Enough with Steven Seagal already!

A) Scoff all you like, but I guarantee you that ye olde Seagal will garner a vote or two -at the very least- before the eighth day arrives.

Q) Are write-ins allowed?

A) Indeed they are!

* With the remainder consisting of alcohol, gum, Japanese-style curry, and Steven Seagal movies.

** Coming soon to a Korea near you!


Sparkles*_* said...

"Sea Salt & Black Pepper Kettle Chips"

Make mine Lays. There's your winner.

(This competition's rigged.)

Chicken Wire, the Harbinger of Heavenly Annotation said...

Has anyone seen my broom? I need to sweep some trash off my porch.