Thursday, February 04, 2010

Manute Bowling

Friends and acquaintances aren't so different if you ask me, insomuch that they're both terribly annoying and yet morbidly amusing at once, though the two are distinct as well, namely in that you're willing to put up with such fuckery from your friends while ready to drop acquaintances like a bad habit at at slightest sniff of horseshit, and rightfully so.

Make no mistake, folks: Sparkles is my friend. It's just a shame that he has to be such an ass when we go bowling. If you've seen him play pool or Mario Kart DS then you'll sympathize with my frustration, as every triumph comes across as if he'd just won the goddamn Super Bowl (and yet, I'll grant him some street cred for his ever-expanding repertoire of victory dances). The trash-talk gets a tad excessive as well, especially when celebrities are incorporated into his routine, such as "I could bowl a 235 inside Oprah Winfrey's sphincter" or "My left testicle is Kurt Russell's bowling ball of choice, and it's used to great effect I might add." The worst of the worst is how he'll refuse to leave an establishment with anything less than a pair of pilfered bowling shoes. Holy fuck, does that shit drive me up the wall.

Having said that, it would be remiss of me to fail to mention that Sparkles knows how to bowl. I've never seen him bowl a perfect game, but nevertheless he's come damn close. Believe it. (I just shudder to think what he'll have in store for me if that perfect game occurs.*)

In other news, Psychedelic Kimchi proudly welcomes another Constant Retard, Sarah from Scare Sarah as Destoroyah as Sarah from Scare Sarah, to the illustrious short bus. Granted, she's not hideously frightening like Destoroyah (unless you piss her off with atomic breath or poorly dubbed dialogue) but rest assured the lady knows a thing or twelve about horror films, so it's only appropriate that she bear the mantle of Destoroyah.**



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