Friday, January 29, 2010

A Volatile Age Indeed (Seventeen)

Times are tough when a lad reaches the ripe age of seventeen. Determined. Cocky. Self-Aggrandizing. Hasty. Ejaculatory. Wide-eyed. Lustful. Confused. Misdirected. Lazy. Virile. Romantic. Impractical. Egocentric. Hyperactive. Frustrated. Judgmental. Foolish. Incredulous. Obstinate. Invincible?

Like I said, seventeen is a rough, albeit necessary, stage of development for Psychedelic Kimchi  Sparkles anyone, really, although there are ways to soften the blow(s), the best of which being more Constant Retards!*

With that, I welcome the latest addition to the roster, Bekhzod M as Super-X as Bekhzod M, the little SDF engine that could! Equipped with cadmium missiles**, laser cannons, and thermal shielding, he stands ready to defend Tokyo/ Seoul / Mom's Basement / Hooters on a moment's notice.

Do-badders beware.

* When it finally comes time to force Sparkles into rehab, I'll be looking in your direction for support, folks.

 ** Yeah, because cadmium counteracts Godzilla's radioactive properties, of course! Too bad they never actually explained that process throughout the course of Godzilla 1985, and there's no way the average, adult North American viewer is going to possess the requisite background in chemistry to instantly understand the situation (let alone a fucking kid), so that was a rather perplexing aspect of Godzilla's initial defeat.

Me: Hey mom, how come those missiles knocked Godzilla out when all the other missiles failed?

Mom: Because...Because...You touch yourself in the tub.

No comments: