The Strong, Silent Type

Yes, that's me. I've tried to keep it a secret for so long, but in this digital age the secret's bound to come out, and I'd rather confess before risking further embarrassment. I was teased in school -- elementary, junior high, high -- about it, and this is my way of preemptively suturing old wounds before they're reopened.

The man I am is a lot different from the boy I was, but we're still pretty much alike. Minus the pubic hair and alcoholism.

Meet Eoin. He still doesn't say much, but at least he lost the glasses. I'm still addicted to ketchup, though.

And fries. My demons will forever haunt me.