Pyeongyang! Sorry, Yangpyeong

Yangpyeong County is beautiful. Nestled amidst the mountains of Gyeonggi Province (Korea's Ontario!), the area gets a bad rap because, apparently, it's where men go to cheat on their wives*. And while that may be partially true, Yangpyeong is, for Seoul denizens, the perfect close-to-home get-away. I would not lie to you.

If you can withstand the carsickness-inducing winding mountain roads, Yangpyeong offers something for every season (water skiing in the summer, Donner Partyesque banquets in the winter). There's even 쁘띠브랑스 (Petite France), where, amazingly, you'll feel as though you've been teleported into Europe's third-greatest country. No one speaks English, and they treat visitors like dogshit.

I'm kidding, of course. While I would never in a million years recommend Petite France to, say, Kmart (or whatever he's Ron Artest/Kobe Bryant/LeBron Jamesing himself these days), it's a great place to take a date. (Or two, you sly dog, Mister Choi.) Trust me, take a few photos, eat a traditionally French meal of donkatsu or fried rice, and she's yours. You think I'm lying?

Yangpyeong's treasure trove of delights is, for me, still relatively unexplored; I'm there in a heartbeat at the soonest opportunity to find more, even though our "pension" (it's European; look it up**) was smaller than Avon Barksdale's prison cell, and the heat was turned off at night, leaving my bride and me to fuck for warmth***.

Enjoy the following notes and photo essay.

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Notes

- High Kick Through the Roof is enjoyable as hell. I love that show like I love my...

- I'm no chef, but cooking thin slices of pork over a roaring flame probably won't yield the (Mr.) choicest bites.

- Under the Dome is the 2007 New England Patriots' regular season for me right now: perfect. I just hope the Patriots-Giants Super Bowl isn't its climax.

- Expensive wine is fortified by cork! Makes me feel like a drunk beaver!

- Props to Taster's Choice and their Caramel Latte instant coffee blend. It's taken thirty-one years, but, finally, I can have candy for breakfast and not risk chastisement. When Jack Daniel's introduces its Hangover Hashbrowns -- replete with whiskey-infused potatoes -- my dream of justifying my every urge/addiction will come full circle.

- Tiger Woods, Warren Moon, Jason Kidd: I share your pain. A woman should never hit a man.

Photo



(Gag Concert is my Kryptonight, and I have a sandwich to eat, so the rest of the pics'll have to wait. Tomorrow: Spark-penis!)



* I'm blushing a little. Full disclosure: Legs and I took a trip there in early 2008, and while I was 100% divorced from my ex-wife at the time, that cow stole the mail which was still being delivered to my former residence, saw my credit card bill, and threatened to sue me for infidelity.

I never said my ex was rational. (Nor did I say I didn't cheat on her. I just didn't do it in that case.)

** Naver speaks: An apartment-cottage that people pay too much for, simply because it's out of the way and far from prying eyes; Especially popular with university students, because they can't fuck their boyfriends/girlfriends at home, and DVD bangs get old after the second experience.

*** sad face