Good Times Roll

Well, that was fun. On Sunday, September 27th, 2009, I married the loveliest, sexiest, and downright most perfect woman I've ever known (when she's not farting and blaming it on me, that is). Readers of this blog know her as Legs. I know her as 유래언. I like her very much.

The ceremony was indeed memorable, minus a conspicuously absent Shih Tsu. But the Shih Tsu is now back home after the missus and my whirlwind week of bliss, and it looks as though my Psychedelic Kimchi proclivity is about to resume, not now but right now.

After the wedding reception, our party of merry revelers headed to The Best Bar in Bundang for warm milk and witty repartee, but since Bride and Groom had flight tickets the next day for Osaka, that traditional Korean honeymoon locale, we had to retire relatively early. (Sucks, right?) The next morning, bright eyed and bushy tailed, we took a limosine bus to Incheon Int'l, then an hour-and-a-half plane ride to Nihon, land of video games, pachinko, sake, and bukkake.

I wish I could tell you our trip went off without a hitch, Constant Retard, but since Japan is a country that ostensibly rejects English like it's a drunk Kmart hitting on twenty-year-olds, we did have some language difficulties. Fortunately, the universal language of Sapporo and okonomiyaki was understood, and our first night was spent venturing in and out of izakayas in the Umeda area. I will say this: never have I tasted beer with such creamy foam and refreshing boldness. As the old Korean saying goes, it tasted all the better because I was with the woman I love. (Aww~~)

The next day, we braved the incomprehensibly difficult Osaka subway system, fighting off INKlings left and right, and made our way to Universal Studios. Did you know that Terminator: Salvation is called simply Terminator 4 in Japan? You do now.

After spending seven hours at the theme park (where, I must note, I had the most superlatively delightful pint of Kirin beer I've ever tasted), we headed to Shinsaibashi, eye shopped, and then walked to Nanba; but since we'd been standing all day in the humid, early fall Osakan heat, we were both too exhausted and sweaty to venture on. Instead, we went back to our hotel room, showered (together!*), and ate at -- surprise! -- an izakaya close to the hotel. I love takoyaki as much as the next slow mutant, but I hope I can be forgiven for stating that I'm not anticipating having that particular treat anytime soon. I think I ate my weight in the stuff. (Word to Chocolate Chip Charlie.)

On Day Three, our planned trip to Kyoto was, unfortunately, canceled due to inclimate weather and poor foresight. Mrs. Forbes**, you see, sorely underestimated the cost of traveling in Japan, so we had no other option than to take the train (take the train) to Kansai Airport and kill five hours. For my part, I made lemonade out of lemons by ordering a Quarter Pounder avec cheese and eating it with relish (not the condiment). Heaven.

I would be lying if I said that I wasn't happy to return to the peninsula. Landing in Incheon felt like reentering normalcy -- or a reasonable, hand-drawn facsimile thereof. In the neverending argument over whether Korea or Japan is a better place for Western expatriates, I'll take Korea any day, and twice on Sundays.

Still, our trip taught me that Japan is superior in four ways:

1) Better convenience stores. This one isn't even a fair fight. It's unbalanced in Japan's favor like elephants and ants on seesaws.

2) Japanese can actually walk in straight lines and watch where they're going. Props.

3) Beer. Korean beer couldn't bust a grape in a fruit fight. As I type this, I'm drinking a glass of Cass Fresh and crying like a baby.

4) Hello Kitty!


* No, not really. Have you ever been in a Japanese hotel bathroom? It's like being in Lilliput.

** My wife, not my mother. God, that would have been weird.

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PS - It's good to be back. 보고싶었지?