PKon '09 (Days Three and Four)
PKon '09 - Day Three
-All events cancelled due to protests over U.S. beef imports
-Sanctimonious Facebook posts reach an all-time high
PKon '09 - Day Four
CONSTANT RETARD OLYMPICS!
Hosted by Masta Ace
Medals designed, produced, and distributed by Stephen Geoffreys
Commentary by Thomas Jane, Oscar the Grouch, and Irene Cara
Scoring by Kevin Sorbo, Lucy Lawless, Jennifer Sky, and Bruce Campbell
Quesadilla Wantaeacha
Winner: Den (six quesadillas)
Runner-Up: Mab (prior to regurgitation: 4, post-regurgitation: 3)
Absent: Hwarangi (raging hangover)
Go-Kart Krunch
Winner: William George (man knows how to drift!)
Runner-Up: Avis (milking the golden mushroom)
Absent: Windowview (barred from operating automobiles of any kind)
The BK Stacker Battle Royale (sponsored by Hyundai)
Burger King of the Ring: SP?
Order of Elimination: Avis, Den, Hwarangi (hangover!), Aiai, Mab, Melissa, William George, Windowview, Jill (pregnant!), DilettanteQuaintrelle
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The Seooouuul Train Dance-a-thon
The Monster Mash
Winner: DilettanteQuaintrelle
Runner-Up: William George
Robot Dancing
Winner: Melissa
Runner-Up: Windowview
Breakdancing
Winner: Jill (pregnant!)
Runner-Up: Mab
Pole Dancing
Winner: William George
Runner-Up: Hwarangi (on the rebound!)
Winner: Aiai
Runner-Up: SP?
Winner: Windowview
Runner-Up: Den
Winner: Melissa
Runner-Up: Avis
Overall
Corky Thatcher Award: SP?
Funkmaster Sextron 5000 Award: Melissa
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Wheelchair Joust
Winner: Hwarangi (in top form)
Runner-Up: Den (Oy!)
Absent: Melissa (too much dancing)
Feats of Flatulence
Winner: Aiai (silent but deadly)
Runner-Up: Jill
Bumper-Boat Bash
Winner: Mab
Runner-Up: Avis
Absent: William George (constipation)
4 comments:
Honorable Mention goes to my canine, Bear*, for crapping irreverently at least six times on day four. Can't wait for those dance contest photos!
*A.K.A. Jeff Goldblum in a bear suit in a dog suit
Those quesadillas were just as good coming up as they were going down.
The secret to skilled go-karting?
Red koopa shells.
You failed to mention (pregnant!) in my Feats of Flatulence listing! It is true, though, that beer aids the deadliness of my farts, and I haven't been able to imbibe for about eight months. Oh, only a few more weeks, and then there will be beer farts galore!
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