If I Ruled the World Vol. 1

1) It's Batman, not the Batman. Saying or writing "the Batman" is a form of fanboy ersatz elitism. Most of all, it's grammatically wrong.

2) One can never complain about people having their iPods too loud. Seriously, the sound of a cough or a sneeze is louder. Just be thankful that people -- word to Radio Raheem and Rockin' Rodney -- no longer carry around Big Fucking Ghetto Blasters. Or lament. Depending on your mood.

3) The current anchorwomen for SBS, KBS, and MBC will be replaced by Lee Hyori, Ha Jiwon, and Choi Yeojin. BoA's doing the weather for all three. Can I get a soul clap?

4) More work for the actors of The Wire. Seriously, why isn't Dominic West a leading man? Why is Lance Reddick (aka The Black Patrick Stewart) relegated to getting skeletonned on Lost? Is there a The Wire curse? I cried a little when, during my 11-hour hell-flight from Tokyo to Detroit, I saw the kid who played Michael in The Secret Life of Bees.

5) Public school water fountains dispense chocolate milk!