The Best Lunar New Year's Ever

After spending nine consecutive years on The Peninsula*, nothing phases or surprises me anymore. Or so I thought. I'm heading back home in six days, and I'd like to think of this find from the catacombs of YouTube as a going-away present.

Are you ready to have your mind blown?

(...)

I can wait.

Really, you'd better sit down. And it's not, by the way, the revelation that I've been watching MTV's countdown of the top 50 K-pop songs of 2008, either; although that's proof that I'm certifiably insane.

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- In case you're curious, Super Junior's "Pajama Party" is No. 5. Trust me, that song is going to be "YMCA" for Korean homosexual youths. It probably already is.



(I don't expect many readers to watch those four minutes of gayness, but if there's any doubt left that Super Junior are of the same sexual persuasion as Harvey Milk, watch the final animation around the 4:04 mark and notice the rainbow sash.)

- With nine members, Girls' Generation is like the female K-pop Wu-Tang Clan! They're No. 4 with "Kissing You." (I would, but at their age I'm pretty sure that'd make me a child molester.) Wikipedia, as always, provides high comedy:

Controversy

During the Dream Concert held on June 7, 2008 in South Korea, a silent protest took place against them. This protest was conducted by three large fanclubs: E.L.F (Super Junior), Cassiopeia (TVXQ), and Triple S (SS501).

Ooh, badass.

- Wondergirls at No. 3 with "Nobody." Why must Girls' Generation always play second fiddle to these bitches? I'm holding a silent protest!

- Big Bang at No. 2 (that's right!) with "One Day." I didn't know Spock was a member of Big Bang...



(Ostensible moral of the video: don't let a bald cancer patient get between a friendship.)

- And, at No. 1...TVXQ with "Mirotic!" What the hell does mirotic mean? Kmart offers some insight:

Whatever it is, it shall be like a gentle rain that reminds you of tears shed by bitter whores and flustered clowns.

Um...

Fun fact: Korean censors felt the lyrics "I've got you under my skin" were too racy (ban Frank Sinatra!), so they made TVXQ change them to "I've got you under my sky." TVXQ might be compromising pussies, but MTV ain't -- they're playing the original version. Call the cops!

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That over with, here it is: 33 seconds of glory.




For you non-Korean speakers, here's a translation:

Robocop: Oh! Lotte Ham fried chicken**...Give me more wings.

[Robocop bogarts the refrigerator***]

There are no bones in these shits, right?

(Now I can die in peace.)



* That's right, I'm retconning my life and pretending the seven months I spent back home in 2002 never happened.

** I am at a loss, however, to explain just what the fuck "ham fried chicken" is.

*** Wait, isn't Robocop supposed to uphold the law instead of break it? And while that little moment of awesome isn't as PK as The McNulty Car-Kick, it's close.