Expiration Date

Charles Barkley was half right when he said Lebron should "shut up." Because James really hasn't said much about his free agency in 2010 apart from dropping hints. Instead, he's allowed the media to speak for him, and when questioned about it has done very little (read: nothing) to assure the fans in Cleveland -- and we few sports fans who still value franchise fidelity -- that he has any intention of remaining a Cavalier.

Sure, he's mentioned that his No. 1 priority is to win rings, but is it? If so, why allow the media frenzy that took place last week? Why the "big apple" Nike sneaks he
wore to the Garden -- shoes which one Spike Lee was also sporting? Why the free hot dogs? For Team James, that game, that event, was the biggest basketball cock tease you'll probably ever witness. To say that it eclipsed the actual game would be an understatement. It was more like a hybrid campaign stop-fashion show; James's telling New Yorkers to mark his impending free agency on their calendars the ultimate act of disloyalty to his team and the city he plays for.

Let's not fool ourselves here, kids; This isn't KG in Minnesota. The Cavs currently have the third-best record in the NBA. Are they Championship contenders? Not this year, in my opinion, but they're well on their way. Let's say they make the Conference Finals this year, get bumped by the Celtics and make it to the Finals next season, championship or no championship. Isn't that enough reason to stay? After all, MJ had to get bounced out of the 'offs time after time until finally making it to -- and winning in -- the Finals in his seventh year in the league. James is in his sixth NBA season. He's already been to the Finals, and the Cavs are the East's heir apparent. Isn't that more reassurance of the possibility of winning a title than James signing with the Knicks (or the Nets, or the Pistons...) in 2010?

Mark my words, Lebron James will not be a Cleveland Cavalier two seasons from now. Like Jack Woltz told Johnny Fontane, no chance. Put it this way: if your girlfriend/employee/favorite comic book artist kept silent while everyone else entertained the notion that he/she would jump ship, and he/she actually entertained the idea herself/himself, how confident would you be? Not very.

And that's how Cavs fans feel right now. Denial of what's to come has already manifested itself in Ohio. Hell, it's pretty much been around since Lebron's rookie season; but after this dog-and-pony show in New York, the resent will start festering. More.

It's been evident for a long time. Why did Cavs fans boo James a few years ago when he had a bad shooting night? Why did they boo him last month when he ran out the shot clock instead of possibly helping his team score over 100 points, thus ensuring fans at the game free Taco Bell chalupas (the ultimate analogy of James's career as a Cav and his looming free agency)?

Lebron is the hot girlfriend, Cleveland her high school years. Never was this more blatantly clear than when, in 2007, LBJ showed up to an Indians-Yankees game wearing a fitted Yankees cap. Or (to a lesser extent) schmoozing with Dallas Cowboys players before a Browns game.

Lebron James is a bandwagon athlete. He wants to align himself with championship-rich, big market cities instead of building his own dynasty, something he's in the process of doing right now.

Too bad Mike Brown is his coach.



Still, like Butters shouldn't shoot people in the dick and Roger Ebert should admit that A Clockwork Orange is a great film, sometimes you have to own up to being a jerk; and, for James, a lesson in the fine eastern art of tact is requisite.

Stop being an asshole, Lebron. Yesterday.

(New York, you say? C'est impossible!)