Monday, September 22, 2008

The Magic Number

Pity the expatriate sports fan in Korea, especially if he, like me, is more inclined to prefer balls made of brown, non-synthetic leather. To paraphrase Tim Dog, I'm cool with baseball, I'm down with soccer, but those sports aren't shit to me compared to the NBA and the NFL. Basketball is God's sport once remembered, now forgotten; but football is Cain in exile; which is sadder, because Cain, despite killing his brother, was a human being, fool. A funky human being.

Modern science and Professor X (he of the X-Clan, not the Shi'ar) have discovered that there are nine innings in a baseball game, yet 16 games of pigskin -- I hope I'm pronouncing that correctly -- over the span of four and a half months prove to be special for a rare species, namely North Americans.

I know this to be true, because, Earth people, New York and California, I was once one of you.

Summon Cthulhu, because something has awoken me from my ancient slumber. If Cthulhu doesn't pick up, call Mumra. (Even though his cell ringtone is "Mickey" by Toni Basil.)

The Buffalo Bills are 3-0.

Word to James Lofton, Don Bebe, Thurman Thomas, and the ghost of Marv Levy, some voodoo shit's going on.

Common Sense is the resurrection.

Trent Ewards, can you be my Jesus?

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