Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Lost Boys: The Tribe -- Musings

Last night

(a DJ saved my life)

I got home from work, popped the new Lost Boys flick in the VCR, heated up some Jiffy Pop, and existed. These were my spoiler-free thoughts:

- So, anyway, I'm watching Lost Boys: The Tribe Called Quest, and it's going pretty smoothly; it's not great by any means, but it's decent. Then Corey Feldman shows up and starts talking like he has throat cancer.


- But the sister is hot: she's like an amalgamation of Mandy Moore and my high school girlfriend.

And the main character is Speed Racer's brother...I think.

- All right, now Feldman is talking in a somewhat-normal tone. Method acting and Corey Feldman are like fire and something completely unlike fire.

- I am a sucker -- no pun intended -- for that "thou shalt not" song. They could remake it in any genre. What I am not a sucker for, however, is Keifer Sutherland's stepbrother -- or whoever the hell the head vampire is.

Prediction: Keifer's foster son is really just a nice guy who wants to get laid really badly.

I can relate.

- Unrelated: is it okay for me to have a faux diamond-encrusted E cell phone accessory?

- I can't picture any scenario in which I would ever wear a leather jacket -- but if I were to, it would be the Cobra Kai Halloween number at 56:27.

- I'm not gonna lie: I like that this movie is referencing/ripping off Point Break.

I'm easy that way. Like Sunday morning and shoplifting.

- The two best lines in filmdom:

1) Who's scruffy lookin'?

2) Once you join the tribe there's no turning back.


- All right, this flick is straight-to-DVD, and it's obviously R-rated; so why no titties?

I. Am. Forlorn.

- "Who ordered the stake? LOL

- Even if Speed Racer's brother save's his sister, that girl is still pretty slutty, right?

Vampire = no

Easy lay = yep

- If becoming a vampire is so desirable, why do they look so fugly?

Stay attractive human beings, brothers and sisters!

Bow-legged girls drive me wild, I must add.

Them, and snaggle-toothed women.

Word to Jewel Kilcher. (Kirsten Dunst gets the gas face, though.)


Turns out, the main character is not, in fact, Speed Racer's brother. Damn, that's like the first time I've been wrong in five years*.

I will now hang my head in Shyheim (aka the Rugged Child).

* Phantom Menace + 4 stars = Roger Ebert

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