No Rest for the Wicked

This place seems familiar. Have we met?

Sincerest of apologies* for the incommunicado. It's just that moving took a lot out of me, both physically and mentally, and my muse was apparently sent to the wrong address. It's been a little over a week since I settled in the Greenwich Village to Bundang's Long Island (I'll leave it to Idealjetsam to determine whether my analogy is apt), and thus far I'm still getting adjusted to my new/old surroundings and current job, the latter of which involves me sitting at a desk all day, writing. But don't fret; I still have time for you, Constant Retard. That's business, this is pleasure. The Sparkles train -- no local stops -- is going to build locomotion in the coming days and weeks, and pretty soon things will be back to normal. Or a reasonable, hand-drawn facsimile of it, at least.

In an attempt at full disclosure, here's what I've been up to since just before the start of the year of the rat bastard:

I moved last Saturday. I have relatively few earthly possessions, yet moving the little I do own into a third-floor apartment would take its toll on any man, I'm sure. I think I went up and down those fucking stairs over thirty times that day. Once everything was inside my new digs, the real estate agent came over, and I was informed of a rather unfortunate building rule: no pets. So I picked up my little dog, opened the window, and punted her out like Jack Black did Baxter in Anchorman. (Kidding...I think. If anyone sees a white-and-gray Shih Tzu scampering through the back alleys of Donggyo-dong, holla.) That was not, however, the most vexing rule I would learn of that day. Upon returning from Homever later that evening, I was nonplussed to see that No Smoking signs had been tacked up on the windows of each of my new building's floor landings. Good grief. Still, I shall endure. Plus it's Korea; no one takes that shit seriously, right?

December 31st marked my first return since the move to my old stomping grounds, Bundang. Seriously, that place has gone to shit since I left. Bundang, get yourself together, old girl. Anyway, the ladyfriend and I went to Dublin (the best bar in Korea, as far as I'm concerned) to celebrate the new year. Also in attendence was your friend and mine, the talented and dashing KMart. And just so you don't think our whole abstract vibe is all an act, more than a few people told us we're too esoteric ("Fucking weird" was the exact phrase used, but they were a little inebriated and probably couldn't grasp the exact word they were looking for.) Conversation topics included Contra 4, why I'm such a singularly great human being, Stephen Geoffreys, the beauty of Sam's Town, and why K-Heezy refuses to watch The Departed (reason: spite). Things get a little blurry after that. If anyone has seen a handsome version of me walking around Seohyeon Station, incoherently muttering "PJ Soles, PJ Soles...," send me a kite. Our mother is worried about him.

Hanging around the bars of Hongdae, I've yet to find one that's right for me. And by "right for me" I really mean "one with a female bartender willing to have an affair with me." Did I just step over the line there? Fuck it.

Finally, I have to mention one thing. I have what I believe is the Korean version of OnDemand. Basically, it's a cable database of TV shows which allows me to pick and watch any show they have available. Their library, at least as it relates to English-language programs, is severely lacking, but I nevertheless managed to find and watch a couple of decent movies (The Machinist, Coffee and Cigarettes, and...wait for it...The Lost Boys). Plus it's got all the softcore porn a man could ever ask for. Sure, the Internet is great and all, but sometimes I yearn to recapture the nostalgia of my adolescence, you know?

Well, that's it for now, Constant Retard. I have a date with the latest Harumi Murakami novel, After Dark. And a few glasses of whiskey.

I remain,

Tiberious aka Sparkles pka Eoin Forbes


* sometime during the summer of last year I promised to stop apologizing. Don't worry, I haven't broken that promise. I don't really mean it, you see. In fact, I'm GLAD I was away so long. It felt good to be out from under Idealjetsam's tyrannical shadow, if only for a little while.