Thursday, August 20, 2009

Parenting




I've been arrested once, for breaking into a Walgreens and stealing a pair of corduroy pants. I was fifteen. I was nearly arrested a couple of years later for shoplifting a lipstick case from a department store for my then-girlfriend, Ella, but the charges were dropped, thank Buddha and the understanding staff at Macy's. My next brush with the law would occur while on vacation in Mexico in the summer of 1997. I mistakenly picked up a leather-skinned vacationer's leatherskin satchel instead of my own in an Acapulco restaurant and left with it. Let's just say the contents of the gentleman's bag were worth far more than the contents of my own: a dog-eared copy of Future Shock, some duck jerky, and an heirloom watch given to me as a child by Christopher Walken. Like white basketball players in the 1990's, wolves were eradicated from the United States for much of the latter half of the 20th century until congress passed the American Wolf Increasation Bill. With the help of a popular John Landis movie and the Canadians, wolves were successfully brought back to Yellowstone Natn'l Park, a move that pissed off some livestock owners who were compensated for their losses. People are always getting honeydew and cantaloupe melons confused. I've never been good at ironing. Dress shirts get burnt, pants wind up more wrinkled than they were to begin with. This is probably due to my desire to befriend Walt Disney, who's dead. Who cares if my slacks have creases when the guy who invented Mickey Mouse is cryogenically frozen within Space Mountain? I need to pee. The black sky Neptune denounced gasoline Pedro.

3 comments:

Sparkles*_* said...

A new Radiohead album? In 2 days? For free?

That's quite the welcome surprise on a Monday morning.

(Better not suck, better not suck, better not...)

Sparkles*_* said...

PS - look for dueling reviews from myself and Mr. Extra Prolific.

Kmart said...

I may just have to jump off of the Pineapple Express for that.