Can you change your whole life in a day?

Kevin Durant: Fuck, I can't believe I'm gonna be playing professional ball in a few moons. In Seattle.

Robert Downey Jr.: Fuck? Fuck, I can't believe I'm playing Iron Man. Word to Dennis Coles.

Kevin Spacey: Have either of you two seen my career? I'm genuinely curious as to where it's gone.

Justin Timberlake: Cameron Diaz had a nose job. A bad one.

Choi Min-Sik: Get it right, fuckers.

Alan Moore: The film adaptation of The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen woulda been cooler with Clive Owen as Dorian Gray. As is, it's growing on me.

50 Cent: life is a fucking musical, dog.

Alan Moore: Yeah, a shitty musical.

Paul McCartney: Things could be worse. Am I not right, Ringo?

Chris Webber: My knee feels sorta tingly.

Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog: fuck denim hats.

Kirsten Dunst: Hear, hear.

Jack White: People take me more seriously since I stopped wearing foundation. What's up with that?

Brian Bosworth: Look, I'm dead like Jerry Garcia. And I just paid 35 dollars for a Casio synthesizer on Ebay.

Emilio Estevez: Sad, man. Sad.

Alan Moore: You're way too short, and ugly, to be anything more than an extra in a porn film.

Fred Durst: That was uncalled for.

The RZA: drudrudrudrudru. Bob Digi.

Kevin Spacey: I will shove my best supporting actor Oscar up your ass, Yao Ming!

Fyodor Dostoevsky: If there is no god, everything is permitted.

Jesse "The Body" Ventura: Even hoop earrings like THOSE?

Dostoevsky: ESPECIALLY hoop earrings like those. Hey, who made off with the crab cakes?

Pink Dot Deliveryman: OK, who ordered fifteen tofu sandwiches and a 2 liter bottle of Tahitian Treat?

Halle Berry's Mom: You are very witty, Tom Beringer.

Jody Foster: My favorite movie is The Ice Storm.

Justine Bateman: But they keep calling! What should I do? I mean, they ARE quite firm. And the fanmail hasn't stopped since Men Behaving Badly was canceled. I'm at a crossroads.

Steve Francis: Playboy is a very respectable publication. You should have done it a decade ago.

Jackson Pollock: Now THAT's art: I just caught the lead singer of Franz Ferdinand using a billiards cue to make himself vomit.

Model Iman: Possibly. I won't rule it out.

Ringo Starr: DJ Premier is overseeing my next studio album.

50 Cent: [unintelligible]

Chris Webber: It feels tickly, especially at night.

Flea: Uh oh, here comes trouble.

Tom Sizemore: Who double parked next to my ambulance?

Prodigy of Mobb Deep: It's somewhere. I mean, how difficult is it to find a shih tzu? Pull yourself together, Terry.

Brian Cox: We'll drive. Keep driving. Head out to the middle of nowhere, take that road as far as it takes us. You've never been west of Philly, have ya? This is a beautiful country Monty, it's beautiful out there, like a different world. Mountains, hills, cows, farms, and white churches. I drove out west with your mother one time, before you was born. Brooklyn to the Pacific in three days. Just enough money for gas, sandwiches, and coffee, but we made it. Every man, woman, and child alive should see the desert one time before they die. Nothin' at all for miles around. Nothin' but sand and rocks and cactus and blue sky. Not a soul in sight. No sirens. No car alarms. Nobody honkin' atcha. No madmen cursin' or pissin' in the streets. You find the silence out there, you find the peace. You can find God. So we drive west, keep driving till we find a nice little town. These towns out in the desert, you know why they got there? People wanted to get way from somewhere else. The desert's for startin' over. Find a bar and I'll buy us drinks. I haven't had a drink in two years, but I'll have one with you, one last whisky with my boy. Take our time with it, taste the barley, let it linger. And then I'll go. I'll tell you dont ever write me, dont ever visit, I'll tell you I believe in God's kingdom and I'll see you and your mother again, but not in this lifetime. You'll get a job somewhere, a job that pays cash, a boss who doesn't ask questions, and you make a new life and you never come back. Monty, people like you, it's a gift, you'll make friends wherever you go. You're going to work hard, you're going to keep your head down and your mouth shut. You're going to make yourself a new home out there. You're a New Yorker, that won't ever change. You got New York in your bones. Spend the rest of your life out west but you're still a New Yorker. You'll miss your friends, you'll miss your dog, but you're strong. You got your mother's backbone in you, you're strong like she was. You find the right people, and you get yourself papers, a drivers license. You forget your old life, you can't come back, you can't call, you can't write. You never look back. You make a new life for yourself and you live it, you hear me? You live your life the way it should have been. But maybe, this is dangerous, but maybe after a few years you send word to Naturelle. You get yourself a new family and you raise them right, you hear me? Give them a good life Monty. Give them what they need. You have a son, maybe you name him James, it's a good strong name, and maybe one day years from now, years after I'm dead and gone, reunited with your dear ma, you gather your whole family around and tell them the truth, who you are, where you come from, -- you tell them the whole story. Then you ask them if they know how lucky they are to be there. It all came so close to never happening. This life came so close to never happening.