Regeneration (Back Like That)

Return of the Mac*. It's been a long time; I shouldn't have left you. I think I used that quote the last time I returned from upstate, but fuck it (anyway, what's been up, man, how's your daughter?). Redundancy works sometimes; ask Martin Scorsese or Jerry Lewis. My point is, I'm back -- prematurely, 'cause I told y'all to mark the 27th on y'all calendars -- and it's for good this time. I will not leave you; I will not falter. I. Will. Not. Fail. It might be a little longer than a hot second afore I start posting pics of seductively clad celebrities (sorry, Dad) and pregnant women eating carrots, but this is the real deal. Like the Big Aristotle. If you don't know who you are, how the hell can you be real?

Rather than bore you -- or possibly excite you -- with the details of my harrowing exile (figuratively, of course), let's get back to fucking business, shall we?

Item: denz recently posted the 'Classic' video (that's the song's name, right? I dunno; they don't have the Internet in Malasian prisons, ironically), and that shit got to me. It's a good song. Great, even. But, ironically, it's not classic. I have a time machine, so I should know. In the year 2027, no babies will be born, and no one will recall the track. However, as a full-fledged hip-hop homer, it gave me goosebumps. Yes, even though Kanye "I try too hard to do what Lawrence Parker so effortlessly does/did" West graces us with his presence (and I like West; I just think someone else -- say Chuck D or, if there were any Justice in this cold, cruel world, the GZA -- would have represented the theme better), it's dope like D Barksdale's hair in The Wire, Season 2**.

But it raises so many age-old questions: is Rakim or KRS the better MC (I'm firmly in the KRS camp, but Ra's verse is infinitely better on the track, KRS's positively weak -- comparitively speaking -- and Ra's line, finally adressing the issue of old men rocking the mic, is perfectly sublime. I'm gonna volunteer my time at a nursing home, starting tomorrow)? Has Preem lost his touch? Is Guru offended he wasn't asked to participate (my guess is fuck yes)? Does Yoda want the ears Primo stole from him back?

Ultimately, what really grabbed me wasn't the MCs, rather the video direction. Graffiti in a post-2000 hip-hop video? WTF? Hoodies? That winter coat Rakim rocks, which I swear is the same one he rocks in the 'Know the Ledge' video circa 1992? Memories, man, memories.

Song: 3 1/2 *_*; video: 5 *_*

Item: Both the Miami Heat and the Toronto Raptors lost yesterday. On the other hand, I have a large penis and formidable sex drive. So it evens out, I suppose.

Item: Track 12 on the new NIN disc is like the Mars Volta took heroin and were too fucked up to pick up their guitars. I mean that in a good way.

Item: Alec Baldwin was my hero for one day, until I found out he was talking to his daughter, not Kim Basinger (who's a total ho bag, by the way). Now I don't know what to think. A-Bal -- as I so dub he -- is the most underappreciated comedic genius of forever, so I'm still holding faith that his tirade was an elaborate prank; if it wasn't, I don't know what to say. Not gonna stop me from watching 'Miami Blues' and 'Sliver***,' though.

Item: Are you there, God? It's me, Sparkles.

Item: I love you all. It's so good to be back. I sincerely mean that, from the bottom of my tortured heart. I'm gonna keep rocking and rolling if you're gonna reciprocate. If not, well, I don't know what to Alec Baldwin's alluring blue eyes....




*Again, kudos and then some to the illustrious and praiseworthy Kmart. I call him K-Hot.

** Never forget.

***I know it was William Baldwin who starred in 'Sliver'. But in the Ultimate Universe it was Alec. Regardless, those alluring blue Baldwin eyes...I think I need a moment to collect myself...Hold on...OK, gay inclination diverted (postponed)...That Elijah Wood has some peepers, doesn't he?