How Do You Solve a Problem Like Jeff Weaver?

Lyrics

He throws two seams and elicits screams
The Angels went and waived him just last year
But, in the World Series last
He pulled Game 5 out of his ass
so the M's went and dumped $8 mil. at his door
so he came to town, and instead of keeping his era down
he decided he'd become a ground ball pitcher

He's always getting shelled
But in the past has pitched quite well
He's always first to everything
especially to get pulled
I hate to have to say it
But I very firmly feel
Jeff Weaver's not an asset to the Mariners

I'd like to say a word in his behalf
Jeff Weaver makes me laugh

How do you solve a problem like Jeff Weaver?
Do you assign him to Triple A and send him down?
How do you find a word that means Jeff Weaver?
A shitty pitcher! A number six starter! A clown!

Many a thing you know you'd like to tell him
Many a thing he ought to understand
But how do you make him stay
And listen to all you say
How do you keep the ball out of his hand?

Oh, how do you solve a problem like Jeff Weaver?
How do you keep the ball out of his hand?

When on the mound, he's confused
Out of focus and abused
And you never know exactly where his head's at
Predictable as clock work
with his stuff should be doing dock work
He's a BP pitcher! He's a joke! He's a World Series Champion!

With his 18.26 ERA
and "pitching to contact" his new way
He couldn't throw 86 mph past a girl
He's soft throwing! He is wild!
He's a riddle! He's a child!
He's a headache! He's an ex-Angel!
He's a girl!