Pizza Ddeokbokki -- Taste Test

Is there something inherently wrong with complementing pizza ddeokbokki with a bottle of Krombacher? Not if I have anything to say about it. The singular pairing (word to Oscar Madison and Felix Ungar) clearly epitomizes the Psychedelic Kimchi ethos of the coarse and the refined. Word to Charles Bukowski.

Look, I like foie gras and filet mignon fine. I also like ketchup; and if you don't think I'd put it on either of the aforementioned dishes, you don't know me very well. Foodies might scoff, but even the most pretentious diner knows deep down in his heart of hearts that the Asian love of SPAM holds merit, or that a McDonald's cheeseburger may, like yours truly, feel wrong, but in fact is so often right.

Let's not kid ourselves; human beings will try to make art of anything, and never is this more apparent than in our beautification of the food we consume. Whether it's a soufflé or a Snickers, it all turns out the same way in the end, so why all the posturing? If it feels right -- like say a pot of Kraft Dinner and cut-up weiners topped with ketchup, or even mustard if it's your thing -- why deny it? Word to Brokeback Mountain.

I like the art of Paul Gauguin (Psychedelic Kimchi like a motherfuck, by the way), and I also like the art of Gary Larson; Kim Ah-Jung's perfect teeth mesmerize me, but so do Jewel Kilcher's.

All are beautiful in their own unique way, and so is pizza ddeokbokki. And if you're still too narrow-minded to accept the fact, somebody, namely me, needs to learn you culinary tolerance.

Word to Chef Boyardee.

Which is not to say that anything goes. Certainly an accord must be reached between the tasty and the downright vulgar; and while my gastronomic predilections may often resemble those of a pregnant woman, even I am willing to admit that ice cream and tuna should share separate quarters, that the egos of milk and OJ are a dangerous mix.

(In the latter scenario, OJ kills Milk and her boyfriend Processed Cheese, then goes on the lam when Sheriff Corn Flake suspects foul play.)

Pizza and ddeokbokki, however? A good-looking pair if you ask me.

Word to Gong Li.

And while it doesn't exactly reinvent the fusion food wheel (word to tuna-and-mayo triangle kimbap), it's a laudable effort. There's ample cheese, and the sauce achieves that near-impossible neutrality between tomatoey goodness and ddeokbokki sauce piquant.

The toppings, so to speak, are sparse but delectable: a chunky slice of pepperoni, green peppers, onions, and a smattering of corn. That last is likely to turn off many westerners prejudiced to the staple of any Korean pie, but not me. Because I'm objective like that.

Ironically, it's in the ddeok that Sampo's experiment stumbles. It's drier than an octogenarian's snatch, gummy like candy worms. Considering that it's the entrée's most abundant ingredient, that's pretty damning evidence.

But it tried, didn't it? Goddamn it, at least it did that.

Word to Randall McMurphy.

Rating: 3 out of 5 *_*