Has it really been 10 months since I dove into the highly-lucrative and immeasurably estimable field of blogging? I think I deserve a pat on the back (and an after dinner mint) for keeping things running at a pretty steady pace during that time, given that I do have a family AND a full-time job (perhaps I've mentioned this, yes?) which consume much of my time. But not too much, I suppose, because I still manage to average around 20 entries per month, each of varying length and merit (perhaps you've read Things that smell like cum [sic]?). Yes, I've done all right for myself, and for no other reason than because it's fun and I love writing. If Psychedelic Kit-Kat has ever made you laugh, cry, or even motivated you to burn me in effigy, I think I've done my job.
Which is not to say that I have any plans of stopping or slowing down. No sir, the Porkchop Express is going to keep on truckin', same as it ever was. But, like all great leaders (cult or otherwise), I need devoted acolytes. Today while riding the bus, trying to ignore the old bugger sitting next to me who kept coughing on my leg, I came up with an idea. See, it bugs me probably more than anyone when a day goes by and this blog doesn't have a new entry. Sure, I can go the cheap route and post a girly pic or a brief link to some news item, just to give myself some peace of mind and to convince myself that I'm still plugging away and not neglecting my loyal following (I love you, Mom; please send me a box of Double Stuff Oreos and my old Glow Worms nitelight when you get a chance), but I think discerning readers can see through that. What I'd like, and what I hope you, Dear Reader, would also appreciate, is a daily dose of Psychedelic Kebab. Unfortunately, with my schedule, that's not always possible. I of course have the illustrious and praiseworthy denz (just remember no caps when you spell the man's name) at shooting guard, but he is likewise not always able to post on a consistent basis, because, like me, he's married, has a job, and is wanted by the law. We'll keep bringing the noise, for sure; but, as befits my job description, I'm looking to recruit some new blood.
A wise man once wrote that he'd like to see Psychedelic Kale assume a guest blogger format similar to The Marmite's Hole (as a side note, once upon a time, before the dawn of man, I sent Herr Marmot 3 e-mails requesting that he add me to his blog roll. He wrote back that a bush league blog such as mine had no place, and would only sodden, his list. That's a lie, but the truth is equivalently crushing: he ignored me. Conversely, much heterosexual man-love to James at http://www.lostseouls.com for adding me to his blog list. If I had the technical know-how, I'd reciprocate. Since I don't, let me say this: James at Lost Seouls has a huge schlong. Or so I hear). I have no intention to spoil the soup with too many chefs, so to speak, but I believe that 1 or 2 more (t)wits could only help fortify this blog and help it achieve "a Herculean level of dopeness". Chaucer said that, by the way.
That's where you come in, Dear Reader. If you have ever wanted the fame and money* which is part and parcel with the Psychedelic Kimchi brand name, now is the time to make your dreams a reality. Anyone who would like to contribute to these hallowed (web)pages is encouraged to send an e-mail to email@example.com. Tell me, in fewer than 50 words, how and why you would make a positive addition to the Psychedelic Kimchi crew. Or tell me I have a small penis and like to bum guinea pigs. Seriously, I'll take either. I receive so few e-mails, you see.
The winner will be announced here in 2 weeks. I hope a fair number of lads and lasses write in. Otherwise, I'll be forced to create fake e-mails. And that would be just fucking sad.
Here's what I'm looking for:
1) No politics. It's OK to call Bush a cum bubble, or Islam extremists will-nots on the ass of Fuckland, but if people want politics in large doses there are a ton more informative and/or belligerent sites than this one. Besides, it kills my buzz. Now pass me that bowl of shrimp chips, dude.
2) No foul language. This is a site I want adults and children to be able to frequent, without risk or fear of their innocence being stripped. Ha, I'm just fucking with you.
3) Book reviews would be nice. I have music and film bases covered, but, as a gentleman of letters, I'd love to write book reviews. Trouble is, I REALLY don't have the time. I just finished The Old Man and the Sea, for god's sake. I bought it during its initial print run.
(OK, since you've twisted my rubber arm, I'll give a truncated review just this once: it sucks.)
4) You must -- and I cand't emphasize this enough -- be a good spaeller. Writing grammer good would aslo be a plus.
5) Someone who can write about sports would be an asset. I'll sporadically write about basketball (I'm currently slacking off in that respect; chalk it up to pre-All Star break ennui), but I'd covet a writer who could bang out in-depth analysis of all major team sports. Even rugby.
6) Anyone who brings something new to the table (feminine perspective, short fiction, discounts at department stores and eateries), is graciously welcome.
That's about it. I'll continue to serve you, but 1 or 2 worthy assistants who can bring the bruschetta when I'm out back smoking a square would be nice.
I leave you with this:
I promise to keep rocking and rolling and to keep making better blog entries. It seems we make these posts ... and sometimes ... they're considered filthy or something by some people ... but I don't think that's true. These blog entries we make can be better ... they can help ... they really can, I mean it. We can always do better -- and I'll keep trying if you keep trying, so let's keep ROCKING AND ROLLING!
Yeah, that's right.
*Fame and money not guaranteed, unless you're female, young, and gorgeous. In that case, I'll make you a star, darling.