Denver Nugget

No idea why, but I've always sort of liked the Denver Nuggets. Maybe it was watching, in my formative years, Alex "basketball as a second language" English score 54 points against the Rockets (I was there), or, almost 10 years later, seeing the Dikembe Mutombo-led Nuggets shock the world by defeating the 1st-place Sonics in game 5 of their 1994 first-round series (I was there). Like your younger sister, Denver has always been a team that I've secretly noticed, yet never had the nerve to admit it to you (go ahead, sock me), nor to make a move towards.

The allure is still there. Watching 'Melo take that next step that many believed would happen last season has been fun (having him on my fantasy roster doesn't hurt, either), and I've always been a big fan of Furious George. The Nuggets can be an exciting team to watch, and I'm happy that I've had the chance to watch them 3 or 4 times this season.

They played an awesome game in Seattle against the Sonics (never forget) on Monday, and I was surprised and delighted to find out that their next game, against the Suns, was being broadcast today. It almost made up for the Christmas presents my mom promised but has yet to send (I have no mother).

In short, I was hype like Williams. But then I watched the game. In a word: really fucking ugly. Lord, what did I do to deserve that?

It wasn't even that the Nuggets lost the game. Like I mentioned, I'm not a huge Nuggets fan (but have you started to notice? You know what I mean; her chest, man. She's starting to get titties, dude. Promise you won't tell Tyrone I said that, right? Let's go raid your dad's liquor cabinet), and like a rational adult I'm able to get over painful sports losses (and stolen cell phones); but what I hate, loathe, despise -- in short, what drives me absolutely batshit crazy, is a lack of effort.

The Nuggets didn't give one iota of effort today (last night, if you live on the continent), and the Suns, realizing it, played with a similar lethargy. Only their shots -- many of them 3-pointers -- all seemed to drop. What the Nuggets had was Earl "Shorty Shitstain" Boykins (you're my dog, Earl, but today's game was not your finest hour, hence the disparaging nickname) running around like an out-of-control chihuahua and tossing up bricks like Ben Grimm with food poisoning.

Both teams' lackadaisical play can easily be attributed to the fact that this was the last game before the All-Star break, but still. I'm the Nuggets. I'm 3 games above .500. I'm winning that game.

The paying fans in attendence deserved an effort at least, non?

Thinking about it right now, I can't for the life of me recall one highlight the entire game. I thought that was mathematically impossible. I've seen some stinkers this season (I'm looking at you, Lakers/Rockets), but at least those games had a few great plays to help wake me up when I started nodding off to sleep. Today's Nuggets/Suns game had NONE. My time would have been better spent counting the number of holes in my pasta strainer, or trying to make out new faces on the tiles of my bathroom walls (I can't be the only one who does this; this deserves its own post, eventually).

'Melo (All-Star snub, never forget) and Shawn Marion were the only players who showed any heart. To be fair, LL Steve Nash had a good game, but that's to be expected in a game where your opponents basically, before the 2nd quarter starts, stop trying and tuck their manhood between their legs like Jame Gumb in The Silence of the Lambs. Oh, and Linas Kleiza had a nice outing, proving that he deserves a spot on this year's Garbage Time All-NBA team.

1*_*

Stat: The Nuggets were 0-14 in 3-point attempts. The Suns were 14-25. Ouch.

Prediction: Kenyon "head or knee" Martin is being traded before the deadline, mark my word. He played 2 minutes and left the game without any sign of an injury, and sat on the bench with a shit-eating smile (you smile when you eat shit?) on his face. Kenyon, Franchise-Killer, and Fallen Starbury together? Hopefully. Hopefully GM Isiah Thomas read my Team Cancer proposal last week and is trying to run with it. I mentioned Toronto as being a fitting team to assemble Teh Cancer, but forgot that Rob Babcock was fired. Do your thing, Zeke. By the way, Le Cancer forms like Voltron, and Zeke just happens to be the head.