The 2005 Sparklers (pt. 三)

The "People Said His Brain Was Infected By Devils" Award:


Best Rock Song of the Year Award: The Fallen, Franz Ferdinand

Best Hip-Hop Song of the Year Award: Hide Ya Face (remix), El-P and Ghostface

Best Children's Song of This and Every Other Year Award: Mr. Sun, Raffi (Raffi's in the motherfuckin' house, fa sho)

The Weirdest Thing That's Happened To Me This Year Award: two months ago I had crazy excess saliva that lasted for almost a week. I honestly believed I might drown in my sleep. I'd spit, and literally a second later my mouth would be filled with more saliva. And I wasn't even looking at this photo:


Not most of the time, anyway.

The Weirdest Thing That's Happened To Me This Week Award: in the middle of a busy intersection on Wednesday afternoon, a mother going the opposite way suddenly said "Jesus loves you, sir" to me as we crossed paths. It appears I was the victim of a walk-by religious shouting.

For the record, I'm well aware that Jesus loves me. I know so because He helps me win at sports.

The "Don't Listen to a Word He Says" Award: Me, for, among other things, predicting that King Kong will suck, and that the Sacto Kings will be a Western Conference powerhouse.

The Big Chill "It's a cold world out there. Sometimes I feel like I'm getting a little frosty myself" Award: this weekend. My wife is amazed, saying "you're from Canada. I've been to Canada, and it's much colder than here, so why are you complaining so much about the cold?"

"Because when I lived in Canada I only went outside to...shit, I don't think I ever went outside" is my reply. It beats telling her "at my age, it's no longer acceptable to wear snowpants and earmuffs." Which is the truth.

Best Movie In Which The Film's Main Character Talks To A Mirror Image Of Himself Award: I can't call it. I think it's either Raging Bull or Boogie Nights, but Ed Wood and some others also deserve recognition. The comments are back, so I encourage anyone with some film knowledge to add their 2 cents.