Belly-Button Lint

Some random thoughts on a nippy night:

1) When Kanye West made his now famous "George Bush doesn't like black people" remark, did the Bush twins throw out their copies of Late Registration, or did they guiltily hold on to them because they both really like bopping to the track We Major? And did Mrs. George Bush contemplate something similar because she really likes track number 4, Drive Slow (http://www.snopes.com/politics/bush/laura.asp)?

What I wouldn't give to be a fly on the wall when the twins' folks visit and see that CD lying about. Do they make a big deal about it? Do they even mention it? These thoughts keep me awake nights.

2) I've been trying to follow all of the NBA off-season moves and acquisitions, but somehow I missed, and only found out today, that Gary Payton is a member of the Miami Heat.

(As a slight digression, it's vexing that you can call GP a former Sonic, Buck, Laker and Celtic, but you can't call him a Heat. You have to call him "a member of the Heat." Such is the price you pay when you name your team an uncountable noun, I suppose.)

So, let's get this straight: the Heat picked up Antoine Walker, (the white) Jason Williams, and GP in the off-season -- and they expect this to work how, exactly? I'm a big fan of the Heat (I want them to win the title next spring), and I'm optimistically hoping the team will have chemistry, but who are we kidding? And how did Shaq, who must have substantial pull regarding who Miami does or doesn't pick up, give his blessing on the GP acquisition? Doesn't he remember what happened 2 years ago?!

Still, I'll try to be optimistic. Here's me putting on my optimistic face:



3) For my "Red Sox get trounced 14-2 in Division Series opener" face, please look again at the above image.

By the way, I'm calling in sick so I can watch tomorrow's game live on cable. I also intend to keep a running diary of what transpires. Hopefully I'll be able to get a sound file up of my boss shouting "you're not sick, I know you're not, now get your skinny white ass over here before I go over there and show you what it feels like to have a 3-foot umbrella shoved up your ass, you human hemorrhoid!" Mercifully, I'll omit the parts where I cry like a baby while listening to Creed during station breaks, and, if it's a blowout, when I become bored and start to play video games (and by "video games" I really mean "with my penis").

4) Actual conversation today between me and my wife:

"Honey, I figure we don't watch enough TV together, so I ordered the first season of Lost on DVD. You'll like it; it's got an interesting premise, and one of the guys from The Lord of the Rings is in it."

[cheerfully]: "The guy who played Legolas?"

"Um, no."

"The guy who played Aragorn, then?"

"No."

[considerably less chipper]: "The guy who played Faramir? Eomer? Frodo!?"

"No...I think it's the guy who played Merry. Or maybe it was Pippin."

[look of profound disdain] "..."

"Hey, at least it's not the guy who played Gimli."

"Call tomorrow and cancel the order."