R.I.P. Hamilton

Maybe what 'Sheed needs to do is tombstone piledrive Timmy D.

This season and these Finals have been the sports equivalent of M. Night Shymalyan's (or however the fuck you spell his name) The Village: totally gripping, intense stuff, with an ending that sucks harder than Mika Tan.

How the fuck do the Pistons lose Game 2 when they actually played the Undertaker's theme music during their player introductions? I know it was supposed to signify that they were already dead, but c'mon; you don't play that shit for a team with a power forward who actually owns and carries around a championship belt.

And you especially don't play that shitty "Y'all ready for this?" techno song from 1992, that would only get 40+ year-old housewives exercising to aerobics or Tae-Bo hype, during your home team's intros. Who the fuck on the Spurs actually digs that shit?

Well, maybe Tony Parker.

I keep picturing Tony wearing a beret, smoking long-filtered cigarettes, and shouting moi? incredulously at the refs whenever he's called for a foul. It's the only way I'm going to get a kick out of this series.

Two notes:

1) Al Michaels is a jackass. Bring in somebody who can actually call a basketball game. Hubie's awesome, but Michaels stinks like rotten shellfish. An actual line (or close enough) from last night's broadcast:

"And the Pistons pick up another foul. If you're a casual fan of basketball and don't know the rules, if a team picks up more than five fouls in a quarter, the opposing team automatically gets to shoot free throws, even if it's on a non-shooting foul."

What the shit? I've never heard an announcer say something so blatantly pandering. ABC must really be hurting for viewers. Part of the reason I enjoyed watching sports as a kid was because the announcers rarely if ever explained the rules. It was as if they were saying "if you don't know what the fuck is going on here, figure it out on your own or get the fuck outta here." That's how it should be, not Al Michaels's Basketball for Dummies.

2) Emanuel's a great player and all, but it was pretty obvious that he didn't deserve as much credit as he received for the Spurs Game 1 win. It was as though the media was saying "see? There are stars in this series. We don't need a Dwyane Wade or an Amare Stoudamire". Sorry, the Spurs would have won Game 1 without Ginobli's fourth quarter heroics.

What this series will prove is that the Spurs are in fact the best team in the L, and can adapt to any style of play. They're boring as hell (so is DET), but they're also one of the best teams ever. Probably better than all of those championship Lakers teams post 1999, and what I really want to know is, would the Bulls have had a chance if they were matched up against these Spurs in the '96, '97 and '98 Finals?

Now that's a matchup I'd like to see.