"Don't go against the grain."

I'm pretty easy. Like Sunday morning. I don't wear cologne, usually; I'm not overly picky about what I wear; and I've never had any of the following:

a manicure, highlights, electrolysis, teeth whitened, ass and/or pectoral implants.

My typical routine for getting ready each morning is to shower, shave, brush my teeth, throw on my clothes (the wife presses them; I actually do more harm than good when I try to iron), and apply the tiniest amount of hair gel to banish my perpetual cowlick(s).

No silly metrosexual stuff for me. Still, I have a weakness, and it is Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. It's high-quality, entertaining television. And if you can't see the genius of it, well, sir, I'm afraid we can't be friends.

And while I get a tremendous kick out of the show, I hardly adhere to all of the Fab Five's sage advice. I mean, I've rarely thought about or given a shit whether my belt matches my shoes. I'm a clean guy, and our apartment is nice-looking, but as far as interior decorating goes I'm hopeless. And, as previously mentioned, I can't cook for shit.

So why do I like the show so much? Beats me. I also like watching the Food Network for hours and hours, but it's not for culinary preparation tips or Jamie Oliver's lisp.

Watching the show, I became very curious about something. Every episode they show the subject getting ready for his big date/dinner/surgical operation/whatever, and when the guy shaves they always make a note of whether he shaves up or down, with the grain or against it. If the subject shaves against the grain, the guys shriek and protest as though the dude has decided that instead of his face he's decided to shave his balls and has nicked a testicle.

I mean, what's the big fucking deal? I shave against the grain. If I didn't, I'd have stubble all day. It gives me a closer shave. I understand that it might give you some serious razor burn if you have sensitive skin, but I'm used to it.

I'm a big boy. I can take it.

Gay people can be so squeamish.