The 2006 Posse Draft - Part One

Introduction:

It’s 9:02am EST on 3 August 2006. The NASDAQ is up.

Comrades, welcome to the inaugural 2006 Psychedelic Kimchi Posse Draft. The purpose of this draft is to give two of the whitest people on the planet the opportunity to finally provide for themselves with the true measure of hip hop legitimacy – a posse.

Selection Process:
The draft will consist of two managers (Sparkles and Denz) and will run for approximately 10 rounds. There is some provision for further rounds, depending on how intoxicated the participants are at its conclusion.

At the conclusion of the draft, a manager’s team must consist of the following:

1. MC (Primary)

2. DJ/Producer

3. Wingman/Protége

4. Female MC
5. Dead Homeboy

6. Enforcer/Fat Guy

7. Funny man

8. Token White Guy

As there are ten rounds, two “flex” positions will be allowed whereby a manager can select whomever he so chooses. The draft will be a snake draft, with the first pick predicated on the final position of the NASDAQ at the commencement of the draft. If the NASDAQ is up, Denz will receive the first pick. If the NASDAQ is down, that pick will go to Sparkles.

As the NASDAQ is up 16.82 points, the first pick will go to Denz.

THE DRAFT

With the first pick in the 2006 Posse Draft, Denz selects:

1. Premier (DJ Producer)

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Denz:

I know the prevailing wisdom would have been for me to pick an MC here. Which is precisely why I’m mixing it up. In fantasy football, you never pick a quarterback first, you always go for the best running back on the board. In Premier, I get the best back in the business. It doesn’t matter what MC I get with the 4th pick, as I now have the beats that would make a Canadian rapper sound good. That’s right, I said it.

Sparkles responds:

What can you say about Primo? Hands down the people's choice for Best Producer Ever. Plus, I'm glad he decided to produce the Christina Aguilera album AFTER he lost his touch. That showed class.

By the way, Gangstarr's The Ownerz CD is to hip-hop what Vince Carter is to basketball.

With the second pick in the draft, Sparkles selects:

2. Andre 3000 (Primary MC)

Sparkles:
He's not going to set the world on fire lyrically (though he's certainly no slouch, either), but he's got the diversity and insightfulness I'm looking for. Plus, he can croon with the best of 'em; and his production work is of a sublime, experimental vein.

I was tempted to take Jay, which would bring the whole Nas/Jay-Z thing full circle as far as the site's concerned, but couldn't pull the trigger. For one, I'm not as big a Hova fan as my preference for Takeover over Ether would lead one to believe; and two: he's part-owner of the Nets, the team that employs Wince Carter. Instant bad blood.

Denz responds:
Great pick, for all the reasons you mentioned. I love Outkast, but you know what? I still can't remember one whole Andre verse off the top of my head. My only concern with this pick is that your go-to-guy is the closest hiphop equivalent to the "tuck it away" guy from the Silence of the Lambs.

But I'm glad you didn't take Jay-Z. Some people say he's got great cadence and flow. Me? I think he sounds like a high-functioning autistic.

With the third pick, Sparkles selects:
3. El-P (DJ/Producer)
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Sparkles:
I was tempted to take Dr. Dre, but El Producto, like Andre 3000, is similarly a jack of all trades. He's the most unique, innovative producer in hip-hop today, and his ceiling is unlimited. Plus he's a gifted lyricist who writes his own rhymes.

Sure, he might get tagged with the "alternative" label, but it's completely unwarranted. Hip-hop music would benefit greatly if more mainstream artists enlisted his phenomenal talent.

Denz comments:
We're three picks in and you draft a white guy? Jesus.
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With the fourth pick, Denz selects:
4. Nas (Primary MC)
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Denz:

Obvious pick – if only to finally realise the Premo-Nas collaboration. For sheer skill, versatility, appeal and capacity, I have to make this pick. I think with the right support, Nas has the potential to again reach the lofty heights of Illmatic. Even if he doesn't, he's still going to spit better than half the dudes in here.

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I just need to make sure I draft good reinforcements - big ask. Suffice to say, I'm not drafting Kelis.
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Sparkles responds:
For a hoops analogy, I'd compare taking Nasty to picking Iverson. Both are extremely talented, definite all-stars, but their best days are clearly behind them. Both also had only a single great season where everything seemed to fall in place (2001-2002 for Ivey, Illmatic for Esco). And Nas, like AI, has a gravelly voice. Seriously, dude sounds as though he's been eating sand every other meal for the past 12 years.

Still, I can't fault you too much for the pick. With the right motivation it's possible that Nas could rekindle the magic of his opening salvo. Primo helps in that regard. And if that fails, you could always pick up Dre.

Because everyone and their sister is clamouring for a Firm reunion ^^

With the fifth pick, Denz selects:
5. Nate Dogg (Flex)
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Denz:

Bamn. Didn't see that one coming, did you? I just sold a million records and I have someone to sing the hooks in the inevitable shitty cross-over track that Nas is statutorily required to append to every album.

Plus, he's Nate Dogg!

Sparkles responds:
Pretty good pick. Like Coca-Cola, everything goes better with Nate. He's a great role player. Too bad he can't hold his own, though. My sincere apology to the 0.013 people who bought and liked his solo records.
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With the sixth pick, Sparkles selects:
6. Ghostface (Flex)

Sparkles:
You may have gained some commercial viability with Nate Dogg, but peep game: El-P on the boards with Ghost rhyming (have I mentioned that the Hide Ya Face remix is perhaps the illest hip-hop song recorded in the new Willenium?). Instant respect from the backpackers and the hardrocks. Or Andre on the boards with Ghost rhyming, and DRE SINGS THE HOOK. Instant platinum. And you don't want to think about what'll happen when the three of them form THE TRIUMPHANT TRIUMVIRATE + 1 (see next pick).

Denz responds:
Taking a step back, sure Nate Dogg has commercial appeal, but let us never forget the first verse of 'Ain't no fun'.
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As for Ghost - Dude, your flex is better than your starter. I know you weren’t a big fan of Fishscale, but it’s been getting good rotation here. Either way, nice pick.

With the seventh pick, Sparkles selects:
7) MF DOOM (Fat Guy)

Sparkles:
He is SO fat!

Now there's a fantastic four.

Denz comments:
What the fuck? As your "fat guy"? That's larceny. You are totally exploiting the system. I love it.

What's great about this pick is that its like you have just drafted Brian Williams (Zev Love) AND his alter ego Bison Dele (Doom). You know I'm all for unnecessary and inappropriate references to Dele. The only way you would get more bang for your buck would be if you drafted Kool Keith. And no one would deliberately do that.

I tell you what though, you're fantastic four is starting to look that Queer Eye for the Straight Guy mob.
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With the eighth pick, Denz selects:
8. Immortal Technique (Protege)
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Denz:
I considered Royce 5'9" for a long time, if only for his untapped potential. However, judging from his last few efforts, homeboy is damaged goods. Still, Malcolm X was brilliant. In lieu, I'm going Tech.

Now IT personifies Tremendous Upside Potential. Unmatched for raw skill, established freestyler, ex-convict and apparently nuts (see "Dance with the Devil); Tech is the future of this franchise. He continues to get slept on, but with the right production, he'll take over. I mean, just peep this:

I mean, come on: "You couldn't sling rocks if you were a Palestinian..."

Sparkles responds:
Not a big fan, but I'm all for conscious rap; and you could have done a lot worse and picked one of the cats from Dead Prez. Those guys are more boring than TV on Tuesday morning*. Remember when revolutionary rap was funky? Bring back the X-Clan! Brother J, watcha say? (Professor X died? Bummer.)

* Hip-Hop still remains possibly the best beat not titled "The Message" or "Public Enemy No. 1," though.
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With the ninth pick, Denz selects:
9. Madlib/Quas (flex)

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Denz:
I had another pick in mind, but I'll hold off on that (psyche!). I've got a bunch of slots to fill, but need to make this pick. Especially given that you've drafted a glut of multi position players.

In response, Madlib has great range (just check out his discography) and gives me an heir apparent to Premo. In the interim, the sheer possibility of a Premo/Madlib infused track just swells my heart. I'd need a warehouse just for the crates. Endorphin overload. Cry Havok and let slip the dogs of war.

Sparkles responds:
You just drafted hip-hop's Ray Allen: a quality player, one of the best in the game, but consistently slept on, and always overlooked in favor of the Kobes, Lebrons, and, shit, even Paul Pierces of this crazy world. To quote Tupac (and not a day goes by in which I don't), I ain't mad(lib) atcha.
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With the tenth pick, Sparkles selects:
10. Big L (Dead Homeboy)

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Sparkles:

The popular choice here would be Biggie, but I have to take L because a) he's a better fit on this squad, and b) L didn't live long enough to start recording pandering shit such as "Fuck Me For Free". Both were great with the one-liners, but I don't believe "'Cause I'm a street genius with a unique penis/got fly chicks on my dick who don't even speak English" will ever be topped.

139 and Lennox, you know what I'm saying?

Denz responds:
First documented steal in the draft - this was actually my intended pick. And you're bang on about him not having an opportunity to start recording junk. Which makes him all the better... in fact, they should rewrite 'candle in the wind' about dude. Can you imagine? I can... what with all those Elton John looking guys in your posse.

[Coming up... part deuce.]