Monday, October 23, 2006

I Can See For Miles and Miles


I predict a less-than-productive and injury-riddled year for Alexander and I predict an injury-shortened year for Matt Hasselbeck. All of these things will conspire to leave (the Seahawks) at 7-9 come the end of the year and on the outside looking in at the playoff picture.


Hasselbeck had to be helped to the sidelines with a knee sprain. At first, the injury was called a medial collateral knee injury. This type of injury usually sidelines a player for at least two to four weeks.

Suddenly, the Seahawks are starting to show signs of being stricken by the bad luck that follows Super Bowl losers. Shaun Alexander remains sidelined with a broken foot. Although he hopes to return to practice this week with the thought of playing against the Chiefs, Alexander is still probably a week or two away from playing.

Steve Hutchinson's replacement at left guard, Floyd "Pork Chop" Womack, remains out with a knee injury, and his replacement, Chris Spencer, has struggled to maintain a high level of play at left guard.

"Hate to say I told you so.
I do believe I told you so."
The Hives, Hate to Say I Told You So

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Psychedelic Hiatus

I'm pretty tired...I think I'll go home now.

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Leather Shall Rise Again?

Stern conceded for the first time that reverting to the old leather ball is a possibility if the rigorous testing he has just ordered validates the widespread complaints about the ball -- particularly its tendency to become slippery when wet.

"We have sent out the most stringent testing crew to see what there is to the issue," Stern said when asked if returning to leather was under consideration.

"Right now our plans are to stay the course, but we will monitor it and if we find there is something to it and it is a serious issue, we will take the appropriate steps because the most important thing to us is the game.

Do the right thing, Commish, before this Frankenball farce reaches a New Coke-level of infamy.

Psychedelic Poetry

Shirtsleeve Animus

Feline scratches and nicotine patches,
Deliver me from pizza

Cheap wine catches, once Mr. Clean matress,
Consider semen features

Fictional homecoming,
A literal foe's cunning,
Mark thrice a bounty of sin

Habitual prose shunting,
of visceral clothes nothing,
Spark heist a county fold ten




Can I get a su?

Thursday, October 05, 2006


The mass outcry against the NBA's new, shitty ball continues:

NBA sources told that Spalding urged the NBA to switch to a composite model because it was having trouble securing the "consistent" leather needed to keep manufacturing the ball that has been used for decades.

It has likewise been suggested that Spalding had marketing motivations to switch from an expensive leather ball to a composite ball that, in addition to its lower production costs and the promise of fresh publicity, might have more practical appeal to NBA fans.

"They probably couldn't sell it," New Jersey's Jason Kidd told the New York Post after Wednesday's practice, referring to the old leather ball. "It was an indoor model. A lot of kids play outside, so maybe that was the reason."

You know who I blame? Vegans.

In related news, officials for the National Hockey League are considering abandonning their wooden sticks for aluminum ones, and replacing their traditional black pucks with flourescent orange balls.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Choose Your Own (Korean) Adventure

You're walking up a street, somewhat oblivious to your surroundings. It's a survival mechanism. Korean sidewalks undulating haphazardly beneath your feet, as is their wont, you accidentally kick a golf ball-sized stone into a fruit seller's basket of apples, causing half of its bounty to spill forth and roll into a nearby, flourescent green, drainage puddle.

The ajumma is irate, insisting you pay 5000 won for her ruined product. You

A) Apologize (there's a nifty language coincidence there for you cunning Korean linguists) profusely, hand the ajumma a 5000 won note and continue on your way.

B) Retort that she was illegally crowding the sidewalk and, in not so many words, that shit happens and she can go fuck herself.

[If you chose A, turn to page 57. Turn to page 23 if you chose B.]

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Shaq, Sparkles, Same Page On

From the "I told you so" file:

"Feels like one of those cheap balls that you buy at the toy store, indoor-outdoor balls," O'Neal said. "I look for shooting percentages to be way down and turnovers to be way up, because when the ball gets wet you can't really control it. Whoever did that needs to be fired. It was terrible, a terrible decision. Awful. I might get fined for saying that, but so what?"

PS - what's the over/under on slippage jokes in the press over the next few weeks?


When Hines Ward was named Superbowl MVP and won the attention of the nation in which he was born, I was happy. As the father of a bi-racial daughter born in Korea, that's natural, I think. And despite my misgivings regarding his immediate acceptance by a country that still has a long way to go in terms of racial tolerance, I still believe it a positive development.

I like Hines Ward. He's a great football player, but more importantly he's a genuinely nice guy; and that's a rare trait, in and outside of the sports world.

And while I patiently await the day mixed-blood -- god, how I hate that term and its negative connotation; it's a hair's breadth away from "half-breed" -- Koreans are acclaimed for achievements outside of sports and entertainment (doctors, scientists, politicians etc.), at this point I'll take what I can get.

Which leads me to the subject of Karen O, the half-Korean, half-American lead singer of the Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs. Undoubtedly the best female voice in current rock-and-roll, I find it a profound shame that Ms. O isn't championed by the Korean populace as much as Mr. Ward.

Look, I realize that most Koreans wouldn't recognize good music if it bit them on the 엉덩이, but American football isn't exactly catching mad ratings, either, yet Hines Ward managed to become a national hero.

I of course have a vested interest in this: my daughter is a bi-racial Korean and I dig Karen O like coal miners. I'd like Koreans to embrace them and every other mixed-race Korean -- embrace everyone, in fact -- equally. Is that bias negative? No way. Neither is it a far-out, radical concept, rather common sense. Ironic, however, that while postitive strides have been made over the past few decades, common sense vis a vis race in Korea is still largely uncommon.

Do I expect a paradigm shift? Yes; although realistically I don't anticipate a sea change to occur overnight. Like Bill Murray in What About Bob?, baby steps.

One baby step would be appreciating the magnificence of one Karen O, the auditory equivalent of an orgasm.

Big Shot Sparkles

Few things compare to the glory of hitting a game-winning shot. Today, I was glorious. Leading 14-11 in 2-on-2, my opponents played hard and managed to even the score. They even had a chance for the win, but when their routine layup rimmed out, I caught the rebound, cleared the ball (none of this free throw line nonsense, either), and passed inside to my partner, who was summarily double teamed. He kicked it back out to me, and from just inside the arc I cocked back and fired. I knew that baby was going in the moment it left my hand.

Problem is, nobody I know saw the shot (my teammate was some guy I met while at the court and will most likely never meet again). So I'm bragging about it here.

Oh, yeah:

Monday, October 02, 2006

Requiem for a Holiday

Back when I was a kid, Chuseok used to really mean something, you know? These days, however, it's grown so commercialized, so vapid. So commercially vapid, so vapidly commercial. Like Saturday Night Live,The Simpsons, and Outkast, Chuseok has become a grotesque parody of its former self.

As a kid Chuseok for me meant squeezing into the back of my family's Pony with my brother and sister, traveling to my father's hometown of Etobicoke, staying up late playing 윳놀이 with my relatives, and stuffing myself with songpyeon until my little belly was fit to burst. Man, those were the days. Despite my grandfather's raucous, rank farts, I never had any Chuseok memories later on like the ones I had when I was a boy. Jesus, does anyone?

Nowadays though it's all one big commercial farce. What would my forbears say if they knew that our once great holiday has become nothing more than an excuse to visit theme parks and buy SPAM by the caseload? Thank Confucius I'm dead, I bet.

Which is why, this year, I'm refusing to participate in the chaebol-raped festivities, instead opting to create my own celebration -- one stripped of crass consumerism and manufactured sentimentality.

And I'd tell you what it is were I not fearful that if I did it too would become corrupted. No thanks. Have fun with your "Chuseok," Korea. Me, I'm doin' my own dang.


In all seriousness, I'm going to take it easy until next Monday. You might get a few more Psychedelic Kimchi entries before then, but they'll likely be my B or C rather than my A game. It's been a long time since I've had a vacation, and I'm going to spend it getting drunk, reading, listening to music, watching movies and sports, playing basketball, waging war against the insect kingdom, and taking pictures of my handsome visage with my cell phone. How this is any different from my regular everyday routine, I'm unsure; but whatever. Perhaps I'll try brushing my teeth better. I could be a pretty great teeth brusher if I put my mind to it, I think.

NB - For my part, I have 2 Chuseok gifts for you sperm donors. The first is this:

The 2nd I'm keeping a secret. Hint: the prodigal son returns. Look to the west.