2005-2006 NBA Champions - Miami Heat (DVD Review)

For a while now I've felt that something essential is missing from my life*. That gnawing feeling came to a head on Sunday when, hype to watch team USA team play Australia in the FIBA World Basketball Championship, I discovered that the game wasn't going to be broadcast on Korean television, nor would it be streamed on Stream TV. Shit ain't right.

And that's just sad. Say what you will about the FIBA tournament, but since basketball is the world's second most popular team sport (behind women's volleyball, I think), reason dictates that it should be a big deal. I dunno, maybe it's different in Spain or Argentina. Fucked if I know why, but the tourney is relegated to ESPN2 in the States, and Yahoo! doesn't even run live scores. ESPN.com has made most of the FIBA coverage available only on its paid-subscription service, Insider. Way to support your country, fellas. Way to also piss off a b-ball addict who, during these slow summer sports months, would probably sell his soul for a game, even if it is the Daydream Team vs. Australia.

I saw (on TV, mind you, because I'm a glutton for regret) Team USA play Lithuania and Korea in the warm-up World Basketball Challenge; and I'll admit, watching the L's biggest stars play in what appears to be a glorified high school tournament isn't very thrilling. But there's fucking pride at stake, man. The US has the best ball players in the world; doesn't it mean something to prove it, to reassert that fire, that dominance?

Ironically, I'll probably learn of Team USA's ultimate shame or glory from Yahoo!'s main page: if they're ousted, it's big news; if they win it all, it's bigger news. One thing will be the same, however, regardless of the outcome, and that's that casual sports fans the world over will say to themselves Hey, there was a World Basketball Championship this summer? Why didn't somebody tell me? FIBA has a long way to go before they gain the same level of attention as the FIFA World Cup. At this point it's like comparing the World Championship of Poker to a game of Go Fish played by two siblings in the back of their parents minivan en route to a family vacation at Disney World. And that's just sad (the FIBA Championship, I mean, not parents taking their kids to Disney World: the Happiest Place on Earth).

Lucky for me, the basketball and Amazon gods chose this day to deliver my 2005-2006 NBA Champions - Miami Heat DVD. It couldn't have arrived at a better time.

If you're not a fan of the Miami Heat

(may the Lord curse you with incontinence)

the disc may not be the morning sex of basketball fandom that it was for me; but for any true b-ball fanatic who can manage to put aside their biases and admire the Heat's historic season for what it was (proof that there is a God, and that He has a place reserved in the Kingdom of Heaven for Riles, Shaq, 'Zo, Flash, Antoine Walker, the New-Millenial Charles Oakley Udonis Haslem, James Posey, Jason "I only smoke a lot of grass, I don't shoot limo drivers" Williams, little Gary Payton as Toto, and the rest), there's a lot to love.

With such a remarkable season, the 2005-2006 Miami Heat truly rank as one of the greatest, most inspirational stories in the history of not only basketball, but all sports. Word to Rocky Balboa.

The disc begins with a brief history of the Heat franchise, from its innaugural season where they set an NBA record for futility, losing their first 17 games, to Pat Riley's initial stint as head coach, the 'Zo and Hardaway acquisitions, the tough playoff losses at the hands of the New York Knicks (believe it or not, kids, there was a time when the Knicks made some noise), to 'Zo's departure due to kidney disease. Then the silver linings: the drafting and emergence of Dwyane Wade (the best basketball player on the planet, by the way) and the Shaq trade. The 2004-2005 season is only touched upon, for dramatic effect, to highlight the Heat's devastating loss to the Detroit Pistons in the conference finals.

Then follows a recap of the regular season: Shaq's injury which led to Stan Van Hedgehog's departure. (Oddly, but perhaps tastefully, that's not mentioned. It is instead -- and rightly so -- spun that Pat Riley assumed head coaching duties to prove that the franchise's off-season reconfiguration was a sage decision) The crushing mid-season 34-point loss to the Mavs and the stunning comeback against the Pistons in the Heat's following game are, for good reason (foreshadowing, you see) given particular shine, and then it's on to the playoffs.

(While you're here, if you haven't peeped it already, ga'head and read this and this. Shit still gives me chills.)

The Bulls are handled, they come back, and are then manhandled (D Wade's ill pass to 'Zo is inexcusably absent, however); the Nets prove an early threat before Wince Carter receives his second sex change operation (peep Shaq's hilarious comment on the series for the DVD's best quote); and next is the series with Detroit, a matchup which didn't live up to the hype (thankfully in my team's favor), and which, soundly, doesn't get much shine.

The Finals, of course, is the best part. Word to J-Live.

The two Heat losses in Dallas still had an effect on me, even though I knew the eventual outcome of the series; and, manipulative or no, the dramatic music which serves as a precursor to Game 3 is a downright marvel, possibly -- Mido's Theme from the Oldboy soundtrack notwithstanding -- the sweetest piece of music I've ever heard.

And then...

Wham! (Game 3**) Bam! (Game 4) Thank You... (Game 5) Ma'am! (Game 6)

By disc's end I was pumping my fist and leaping about giddily, as though the Heat's Finals victory occurred not over 2 months prior, but tonight. All that was missing was pickled chili peppers and a sore back.

I'm still hungry. Tonight I sate myself with SPAM and hot dogs; come November, however, my palate shall undoubtedly demand something more, namely a repeat.

In the meantime, I'll try not to get too upset over the lack of WBC coverage, knowing that a new season is ever approaching the horizon, and that this: a 13-disc DVD package containing every Heat conference finals and NBA Finals game is scheduled for a mid-November release.

Let's Go Feet!

(Sorry, I'm a little rusty.)

Let's Go Heat!

Rating: 3 1/2 out of 4 *_*

* Two things, actually, but I'm discreet enough to only admit one.

** I won't lie, Shaq's crucial free throws brought a tear -- likely more than one, but one is the most I'll admit to -- of joy to this fan's eye.