Saturday, August 15, 2009

PKon '09 (Days Three and Four)




PKon '09 - Day Three

-All events cancelled due to protests over U.S. beef imports

-Sanctimonious Facebook posts reach an all-time high



PKon '09 - Day Four

CONSTANT RETARD OLYMPICS!

Hosted by Masta Ace
Medals designed, produced, and distributed by Stephen Geoffreys
Commentary by Thomas Jane, Oscar the Grouch, and Irene Cara
Scoring by Kevin Sorbo, Lucy Lawless, Jennifer Sky, and Bruce Campbell

Quesadilla Wantaeacha
Winner: Den (six quesadillas)
Runner-Up: Mab (prior to regurgitation: 4, post-regurgitation: 3)
Absent: Hwarangi (raging hangover)

Go-Kart Krunch
Winner: William George (man knows how to drift!)
Runner-Up: Avis (milking the golden mushroom)
Absent: Windowview (barred from operating automobiles of any kind)

The BK Stacker Battle Royale (sponsored by Hyundai)
Burger King of the Ring: SP?
Order of Elimination: Avis, Den, Hwarangi (hangover!), Aiai, Mab, Melissa, William George, Windowview, Jill (pregnant!), DilettanteQuaintrelle

--
The Seooouuul Train Dance-a-thon

The Monster Mash
Winner: DilettanteQuaintrelle
Runner-Up: William George

Robot Dancing
Winner: Melissa
Runner-Up: Windowview

Breakdancing
Winner: Jill (pregnant!)
Runner-Up: Mab

Pole Dancing
Winner: William George
Runner-Up: Hwarangi (on the rebound!)

Winner: Aiai
Runner-Up: SP?

Winner: Windowview
Runner-Up: Den

Winner: Melissa
Runner-Up: Avis

Overall
Corky Thatcher Award: SP?
Funkmaster Sextron 5000 Award: Melissa
--

Wheelchair Joust
Winner: Hwarangi (in top form)
Runner-Up: Den (Oy!)
Absent: Melissa (too much dancing)

Feats of Flatulence
Winner: Aiai (silent but deadly)
Runner-Up: Jill

Bumper-Boat Bash
Winner: Mab
Runner-Up: Avis
Absent: William George (constipation)


4 comments:

  1. Honorable Mention goes to my canine, Bear*, for crapping irreverently at least six times on day four. Can't wait for those dance contest photos!

    *A.K.A. Jeff Goldblum in a bear suit in a dog suit

    ReplyDelete
  2. Those quesadillas were just as good coming up as they were going down.

    ReplyDelete
  3. The secret to skilled go-karting?

    Red koopa shells.

    ReplyDelete
  4. You failed to mention (pregnant!) in my Feats of Flatulence listing! It is true, though, that beer aids the deadliness of my farts, and I haven't been able to imbibe for about eight months. Oh, only a few more weeks, and then there will be beer farts galore!

    ReplyDelete