PKon '09 (Days Three and Four)

PKon '09 - Day Three

-All events cancelled due to protests over U.S. beef imports

-Sanctimonious Facebook posts reach an all-time high

PKon '09 - Day Four

CONSTANT RETARD OLYMPICS!

Hosted by Masta Ace

Medals designed, produced, and distributed by Stephen Geoffreys

Commentary by Thomas Jane, Oscar the Grouch, and Irene Cara

Scoring by Kevin Sorbo, Lucy Lawless, Jennifer Sky, and Bruce Campbell

Quesadilla Wantaeacha

Winner: Den (six quesadillas)

Runner-Up: Mab (prior to regurgitation: 4, post-regurgitation: 3)

Absent: Hwarangi (raging hangover)

Go-Kart Krunch

Winner: William George (man knows how to drift!)

Runner-Up: Avis (milking the golden mushroom)

Absent: Windowview (barred from operating automobiles of any kind)

The BK Stacker Battle Royale (sponsored by Hyundai)

Burger King of the Ring: SP?

Order of Elimination: Avis, Den, Hwarangi (hangover!), Aiai, Mab, Melissa, William George, Windowview, Jill (pregnant!), DilettanteQuaintrelle

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The Seooouuul Train Dance-a-thon

The Monster Mash

Winner: DilettanteQuaintrelle

Runner-Up: William George

Robot Dancing

Winner: Melissa

Runner-Up: Windowview

Breakdancing

Winner: Jill (pregnant!)

Runner-Up: Mab

Pole Dancing

Winner: William George

Runner-Up: Hwarangi (on the rebound!)

Shadow Dancing

Winner: Aiai

Runner-Up: SP?

Safety Dance

Winner: Windowview

Runner-Up: Den

Humpty Dance

Winner: Melissa

Runner-Up: Avis

Overall

Corky Thatcher Award: SP?

Funkmaster Sextron 5000 Award: Melissa

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Wheelchair Joust

Winner: Hwarangi (in top form)

Runner-Up: Den (Oy!)

Absent: Melissa (too much dancing)

Feats of Flatulence

Winner: Aiai (silent but deadly)

Runner-Up: Jill

Bumper-Boat Bash

Winner: Mab

Runner-Up: Avis

Absent: William George (constipation)