The Convention (Days One and Two)

(image from www.myninjaplease.com)

There are five contributors to this hallowed blog, three of which rarely post, but with good reason; TMH is preoccupied with writing the PK Bible, idealjetsam is preparing for spiritual enlightenment (again!), and Denz has been busy preparing this year's Psychedelic Kimchi Convention (henceforth referred to as PKon '09). I'd be lying if I said I've been heavily involved with the project, but then again, that's not my forte. Needless to say, this year's convention has been a wild ride, but you already know that; you were there, after all. But for everyone else i.e. those unable to tear themselves away from work and whatnot, I'll be happy to provide highlights.

PKon '09 - Day One

Q & A with the contributors

Panel: (seated from left to right) Denz, a RealDoll simulacrum of TMH, Sparkles, an open barrel of cheese balls labeled 'idealjetsam', Kmart

Sparkles: Who's first? You there, the man with the Twilight Zone hat.

Hat-Man: Are the rumors of animal sacrifice true?

Sparkles: Only if you're referring to my ex-wife. Next question. The redheaded thing with the acne.

Redhead: In season three, you accepted a female contri-

Sparkles: Fuck you. Next question.

Redhead: But I-

Sparkles: Hey, Faggoty Ann or Andy*, whichever you are, I will slap you so hard that you'll be too ugly for podcasting, even more so than now. Next! Fat guy dressed up as Lieutenant Worf.

Lt. Worf: Will there ever be a spinoff series, possibly set in a space station?

Sparkles: This was covered in April's PK Newsletter, people! The new series is called Time Travel for Beginners, and it's set to premiere on the WB this fall.

Kmart: From the producers of You Can't Do This on Television, if I could jump in for a second.

Sparkles: That's right! Keep reading the newsletter, folks. Next question. Cute girl in the tank top.

Girl: Huh? Question? I'm just here with my boyfriend.

Sparkles: I figured that. Just wanted to get your attention.

Kmart: Where's your boyfriend?

Girl: Right next to me. Duh.

Kmart: Security, please escort those two out of the building.

Girl: Wait. Hold up. I've got a question now. What's with all the homoeroticism on PK?

Denz: Crikey!

Sparkles: Well said, Denz. Security, detain that woman in the holding area. I'll, ah, deal with her later. Break the dude's left kneecap.

Girl: You...You can't do this!

Sparkles: I just did. And what the hell is Paul Hogan doing here?

Paul Hogan: G'day, mates. Just enjoyin' meself a pint of Foster's, thought I'd take a gander.

Denz: Foster's? Seriously?

Kmart: Dude, aren't you pushing seventy now? And your wife is what, like forty-five?

Paul Hogan: Cheers right, mate. Classic Aussie tradition, May-December relationships. Like throwin' shrimp on the barbie.

Denz: Okay, stop. You're obviously a fake Paul Hogan, probably planted by Kmart to sabotage this session. You have a German accent for god's sake!

Kmart: I hardly think 'sabotage' is the right word to use.

Sparkles: Enough! I hereby declare today's session complete. It's two in the afternoon, and I'm sober.

Kmart: No you're not.

PKon '09 - Day Two

Highlights

-Production stills from PK Down Under unveiled

-Korean visitors wowed by Kimchi exhibit

-Wet T-shirt contest snubbed by lesbian readers

- T.O.T. Help Center raided by police

-Ha Ji-won defeated Sparkles (2-1) in Celebrity Arm Wrestling

-Sparkles introduced Ha Ji-won to the sport of Celebrity Spanking

-TMH sparred with Rob Zombie, only to lose via disqualification (eye gouge)

-Kmart hosted a Dungeon Explorer II multiplayer session, but ended up playing alone

* He didn't actually say that, but hey, controversy sells.