A Magical Morning (Groan)

Fuck Thursday morning. Tuesday morning and Saturday morning, too; and, while we're at it, let's add Friday morning to that list. I am not a happy boy. Don't get me wrong; I love the

(money I make)

job I have, but waking up early for work prevents me from doing three things I love dearly (four, if you count this hallowed blog. I don't). They are, in order of importance: talking to The 18th Letter on Skype, indulging in an adult beverage or ten the night prior, and watching playoff basketball. For now, I'm free after 9 a.m. on Thursdays, and when I went to Yahoo!'s NBA page this morning I was informed, quite surprisingly, NO GAMES TODAY. I thought that was kinda weird, because I expected the Eastern Conference Finals to tip off today (your last night, North American Constant Retards), but the Internet has never lied to me before and NO GAMES TODAY, I've been taught, means NO GAMES TODAY.

Displeased but not discouraged, I decided to carpe my diem by smoking a square (handsomely, I should add), browsing my bookmarked websites (CHUD for skewed movie news, Dave's for skewed newbie news, and Tube8 for skewed boobie views), jotting down a few notes for my unsolicted-yet-awesome Brothers Karamazov sequel, Hurrah for Alyosha* (Ivan is a drug addict, Dmitri is getting out of jail after a 20-year bid, and they foster a plot to assassinate a local political figure. Trust me, it's awesome), and eating some frozen pizza, although, full disclosure, it wasn't frozen when I ate it.

An hour or so later, logging on to Yahoo!, that Internet blackguard, to check my email, I was informed that Dwight Howard made some sort of spectacular dunk that broke the backboard or something in A GAME THAT WASN'T EVEN EXISTING! (Transcendent!) As far as I knew, anyway. Because I am a cripple, and Yahoo! Sports is my crutch.

Fuck Yahoo! Sports.

Too late to catch most of the first half and whatever destruction D-Ho wreaked, I watched the end of the second quarter, bore witness to Mo Williams laudable heave to end the half, and waited

(in my boxer shorts)

for quarter three to start on SBS Sports. Or maybe it was MBC ESPN. All I know is that they both broadcast glaringly non-sports programs -- like NHL Hockey and 2 Days 1 Night -- to fill up air time and that they have no sponsors for NBA games save the laughable Shinhan NBA credit card.

Despite earlier misinformation and perpetual NBA promos (seriously, I'd rather gouge my eyes out than watch another black-and-white montage set to Radiohead's "Nice Dream," and I love "Nice Dream" like I love my dick size), I got into the game, one fueled by a Magical comeback. (Kill me now.)

I didn't think Rashard Lewis would hit that. I did think Mo William's jump-ball-tipped shot was going in. It didn't, and I'd still be happy either way. Good game, fellas. I can't wait to miss Game 2 because of work/Internet ineptness/heart attack.






* Title subject to change